Cybersalt News

As you have probably heard by now, I have not won any electoral seats in the primaries this year, so I am officially suspending my campaign and returning to working on the Cybersalt Site.  It may have been my centrist message that caused me to fail to get traction with the voters.  It might also be the fact that I am Canadian and was smeared by the "Vote American" lobby.  Of course, I might just be too sexy for that hat.

But seriously, I've been overwhelmingly and abundantly swamped with pastor things and web design clients to boot for the last couple of weeks.  So once again I've had to be on hiatus from getting the Cybersalt Digest out.  However, the last couple of weeks have not been all work and no fun.

Thanks to rain delays I got to watch the Daytona 500 live last week!  I sat down on my couch and watched all 6 hours of it - which is impressive since it usually only takes about 4 hours.  If you follow me on twitter (@cybersalt) you already know I was watching the race because you saw my favorite retweets while they cleaned up after Juan Pablo Montoya's little run in with a helicopter jet engine.  It figures that that fiery incident would happen in 2012 - as indicated in today's featured funny picture on the Cybersalt site.  You'll find it at:
www.cybersalt.org/funny-pictures/daytona-500-2012-mayan-edition 

Enjoy the rest of today's mailing.

Goober at the River

You can find a picture of a goober at www.cybersalt.org/pastor-tim-s-cleanlaugh-site/what-is-a-goober

A goober goes out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another goober on the opposite bank.

"Yoo-hoo" she shouts, "how can I get to the other side?"

The second goober looks up the river then down the river then shouts back, "You are already on the other side."

One-liner #0826

"R2D2 was the most foul mouthed movie character of all time - they beeped out every word he said."

Waldo Trouble

"I'm having trouble finding myself."
-  Waldo in Therapy

Quote #1276

The phrase, "Don't take this the wrong way" has a zero percent success rate.

Bad Day at Work

This is even funnier when you realize it's real!

Next time you have a bad day at work, think of this guy. Rob is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers in Louisiana. He performs underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs. Below is an e-mail he sent to his sister. She then sent it to radio station 103.2-FM in Ft. Wayne, Indiana, which was sponsoring a worst job experience contest. Needless to say, she won.

Hi Sue, just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother. Last week I had a bad day at the office. I know you've been feeling down lately at work, so I thought I would share my dilemma with you to make you realize it's not so bad after all. Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must bore you with a few technicalities of my job.

As you know, my office lies at the bottom of the sea. I wear a suit to the office. It's a wet suit. This time of year the water is quite cool, so what we do to keep warm is this: we have a diesel-powered industrial water heater. This $20,000 piece of equipment sucks the water out of the sea. It heats it to a delightful temperature. It then pumps it down to the diver through a garden hose, which is taped to the air hose.

Now this sounds like a pretty good plan, and I've used it several times with no complaints. What I do, when I get to the bottom and start working, is take the hose and stuff it down the back of my wet suit. This floods my whole suit with warm water. It's like working in a Jacuzzi.

Everything was going well, until all of a sudden, my rear end started to itch. So, of course, I scratched it. This only made things worse.

Within a few seconds, it started to burn. I pulled the hose out from my back, but the damage was done. In agony, I realized what had happened.

The hot water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my suit. When I scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the jellyfish into myself.

I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the communicator. His instructions were unclear because he and five other divers were all laughing hysterically. Needless to say, I aborted the dive. I was instructed to make three agonizing in-water decompression stops, totaling thirty-five minutes, before I could reach the surface to begin my chamber dry decompression.

When I arrived at the surface and climbed out of the water, the medic, with tears of laughter running down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to rub it onto the affected area as soon as I got into the chamber. The cream put the fire out, but it took two days before I could sit down again.

So, next time you're having a bad day at work, think about how much worse it would be if you had a jellyfish shoved down your pants. Now repeat to yourself, "I love my job, I love my job, I love my job."

Now, whenever you have a bad day, ask yourself: Is this a jellyfish bad day?