Entertainment

New Axioms of the Nineties

1. Home is where you hang your @.
2. The e-mail of the species is more deadly than the mail.
3. A journey of a thousand sites begins with a single click.
4. You can't teach a new mouse old clicks.
5. Great groups from little icons grow.
6. Speak softly and carry a cellular phone.
7. C:\ is the root of all directories.
8. Pentium wise; pen and paper foolish.
9. Don't put all your hypes in one home page.
10. The modem is the message.
11. Too many clicks spoil the browse.
12. The geek shall inherit the earth.
13. A chat has nine lives.
14. Don't byte off more than you can view.
15. Fax is stranger than fiction.
16. What boots up must come down.
17. Virtual reality is its own reward.
18. Modulation in all things.
19. A user and his leisure time are soon parted.
20. Know what to expect before you connect.
21. Oh, what a tangled website we weave when first we practice.
22. Speed thrills.

TRUE STORY

An elderly lady did her shopping and upon return found 4 males in her car.

She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at them at the top of her voice that she knows how to use it and that she will if required....so get out of the car. 

Heather and Marcy hadn't seen each other in awhile, so they decided to meet for lunch. The talk naturally got around to their respective love lives. Marcy confided that there really wasn't anyone special in her life.

Heather, on the other hand, was beaming about the new man she had found.

"He's perfect. He's handsome, and last night when we went out to dinner, he said the four little words I've been waiting to hear a man say to me!"

"He said 'will you marry me'?" Marcy asked.

Heather replied, "No, he said 'put your money away'."

Things You Never Want to Hear the Exterminator Say...

20. You know, when you build your next house you might want to consider using steel instead of wood.

19. It's a shame you didn't get that extended protection rider on your pest protection policy.

18. I'm sorry, but our worker's compensation policy specifically excludes "killer termites."

17. Do you know anyone who owns a bulldozer?

16. You'll need to call the Jurassic Park people. Dinosaurs aren't on the list of pest problems we handle.

15. Yeah, I realize I'm from Orkin, but I still need your phone book to call Terminix and All-Pest to come help me with this one.

14. I need to go back to the office to get a bigger truck.

13. Do you have someplace you could stay for the next three days?

12. Do you have a high powered rifle handy?

11. You wouldn't happen to have some extra pesticides in storage around the house, would you?

10. "EEEEEKKK!!!!!!"

9. "Exterminator down! Exterminator down! Send backup!!! Extermin..."

8. "The good news is... you have termites."

7. "Do you happen to have a large net?"

6. "You know, I'm also a taxidermist."

5. "Ma'am, I'm afraid you need to let me take the oatmeal raisin cookies with me."

4. "FIRE IN THE HOLE!"

3. "Hi, I'm Willie Nelson and I'll be your exterminator today."

2. "This could get expensive."

1. "Shazbot! I accidentally killed Mindy!"