Entertainment

This guy had an awful day fishing on the lake, sitting in the blazing sun all day without catching a single one. On his way home, he stopped at the supermarket and ordered four catfish.

He told the fish salesman, "Pick four large ones out and throw them at me, will you?"

"Why do you want me to throw them at you?"

"Because I want to tell my wife that I caught them."

"Okay, but I suggest that you take the orange roughy."

"But why?"

"Because your wife came in earlier today and said that if you came by, I should tell you to take orange roughy. She prefers that for supper tonight."

1.  One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

2.  One nice thing about egotists: They don't talk about other people.

3.  Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

4.  The older you get, the better you realize you were.

5.  I doubt, therefore I might be.

6.  Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.

7.  Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.

8.  Women like silent men, they think they're listening.

9.  Men are from earth.  Women are from earth.  Deal with it.

10.  A fool and his money are soon partying.

11.  Do pediatricians play miniature golf on Wednesdays?

12.  Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?

13.  If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown also?

14.  If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?

15.  If you ate pasta and then antipasta, would you still be hungry?

16.  If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

17.  Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?

There were two men shipwrecked on this island.  The minute they got on to the island one of them started screaming and yelling, "We're going to die! We're going to die!  There's no food!  No water!  We're going to die!"

The second man was propped up against a palm tree and acting so calmly it drove the first man crazy.  "Don't you understand?!?  We're going to die!!"

The second man replied, "You don't understand, I make $100,000 a week."

The first man looked at him quite dumbfounded and asked, "What difference does that make?!?  We're on an island with no food and no water!  We're going to DIE!!!"

The second man answered, "You just don't get it.  I make $100,000 a week and I tithe ten percent on that $100,000 a week.  My pastor will find me!"

A young schoolboy was having a hard time pronouncing the letter ''R,'' and all the other kids were, of course, teasing him about it.

To help him out, the teacher gave him a sentence to practice at home: ''Robert gave Richard a rap in the ribs for roasting the rabbit so rare.'' In class a few days later, the teacher asked the boy to recite the sentence out loud.

The boy nervously eyed his classmates--many of them already laughing at him--then replied, ''Bob gave Dick a poke in the side because the bunny wasn't cooked enough.''