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A row of bottles on my shelf

caused me to analyze myself.

One yellow pill I have to pop

Goes to my heart so it won't stop.

A little white one that I take

goes to my hands so they won't shake.

The blue ones that I use a lot

tell me I'm happy when I'm not.

The purple pill goes to my brain

and tells me that I have no pain.

The capsules tell me not to wheeze

or cough or choke or even sneeze.

The red ones, smallest of them all

Go to my blood so I won't fall.

The orange ones, very big and bright

prevent my leg cramps in the night.

Such an array of brilliant pills,

helping to cure all kinds of ills.

But what I'd really like to know...........

Is what tells each one where to go!

A man bought a donkey from a preacher.  The preacher told the man that this donkey had been trained in a very unique way, (being the donkey of a preacher).  The only way to make the donkey go, is to say, "Hallelujah!".
The only way to make the donkey stop, is to say, "Amen!".

The man was pleased with his purchase and immediately got on the animal to try out the preacher's instructions.  "Hallelujah!", shouted the man.  The donkey began to trot.  "Amen!", shouted the man.  The donkey stopped immediately.  "This is great!", said the man.  With a "Hallelujah", he rode off very proud of his new purchase.

The man travelled for a long time through some mountains.  Soon he was heading towards a cliff.  He could not remember the word to make the donkey stop.  "Stop", said the man.  "Halt!", he cried.  The donkey just kept going.  "Oh, no...'Bible!....Church!...Please Stop!!", shouted the man.  The donkey just began to trot faster.  He was getting closer and closer to the cliff edge.  Finally, in desperation, the man said a prayer..."Please, dear Lord.  Please make this donkey stop before I go off the end of this mountain, In Jesus name, AMEN".

The donkey came to an abrupt stop just one step from the edge of the cliff.

"HALLELUJAH!", shouted the man

One of the world's most famous merchant captains died, having long been admired by his crew and fellow officers.

They remained puzzled, however, over a strange ritual he performed daily. While at sea he would lock himself in his cabin and open a small safe, take out an envelope with a note inside and read it. After locking the paper back in the safe, he would return to his duties.

For years this went on, and his crew became very curious.  Was it a treasure map?  Was it a letter from a long lost love?  Everyone speculated about the contents of the strange envelope.

After laying the captain's body to rest, the first mate led the entire crew back to the ship and into the captain's quarters.  He opened the safe, got the envelope and read the words aloud to an astonished crew:

'Port: Left, Starboard: Right.'

As an instructor in driver education at Unionville-Sebewaing Area High School in Michigan, I've learned that even the brightest students can become flustered behind the wheel.

One day I had three beginners in the car, each scheduled to drive for 30 minutes.  When the first student had completed his time, I asked him to change places with one of the others.  Gripping the wheel tightly and staring straight ahead, he asked in a shaky voice, "Should I stop the car?"