Entertainment

1.  The badness of a movie is directly proportional to the number of helicopters in it.

2.  You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

3.  The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above-average drivers.

4.  There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

5.  People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

6.  If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings."

7.  The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is to annoy people who are not in them.

8.  You should not confuse your career with your life.

9.  A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter/janitor, is not a nice person.

10.  When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command.
Very often, that individual is crazy.

Unfortunately, we humans do not come equipped with delete buttons for our mouths.

My friend and his rock band were playing a concert at the local psychiatric hospital where he worked as a musical therapist.

The audience was a little too quiet for his taste, so the guitarist decided to do something about it. He grabbed the microphone, pointed to the group and yelled, "Are you ready to get a little crazy?"

The two young boys were discussing their ailments together in the children's ward.

"Are you medical or surgical?" asked the first, who had been in the ward for a week.

"I don't know what you mean," replied the second.

"It's simple," replied the first. 

"Were you sick when you came in here?  Or did they make you sick when you got here?"

A church secretary takes a call. The caller says ,"Is the head hog at the trough there?"

The secretary says, "Please Sir, do not refer to our pastor as the head hog at the trough. That is very insulting."

"Oh, I'm very sorry. I meant nothing by that. It's just a local phase we use in the part of the country I come from. The real reason I called was to donate $50,000.00 to your building fund."

The secretary says, "Hold on. I see the 'Big Oinker' coming through the door right now."