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Entertainment

Aging

Details
Published: 17 May 2006

~ Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty.  But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.

~ There are three signs of old age.  The first is your loss of memory.
I forget the other two.

~ You're getting old when you don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.

~ Middle age is when work is a lot less fun--and fun is a lot more work.

~ Statistics show that at the age of seventy, there are five women to every man.  Isn't that a bad time for a guy to get those odds?

~ You know you're getting on in years when the girls at the office start confiding in you.

~ Middle age is when it takes longer to rest than to get tired.

~ By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.

~ Middle age is when you have stopped growing at both ends, and have begun to grow in the middle.

~ A man has reached middle age when he is cautioned to slow down by his doctor instead of by the police.

~ You know you're into middle age when you realize that caution is the only thing you care to exercise.

~ The aging process could be slowed down if it had to work its way through Congress.

~ You're getting old when you're sitting in a rocker and you can't get it started.

~ You're getting old when you wake up with that morning-after feeling, and you didn't do anything the night before.

~ The cardiologist's diet: if it tastes good, spit it out.

~ Doctor to patient: I have good news and bad news: the good news is that you are not a hypochondriac.

~ It's hard to be nostalgic when you can't remember anything.

~ You know you're getting old when you stop buying green bananas.

~ Last Will and Testament: Being of sound mind, I spent all my money.

~ When you lean over to pick something up off the floor, you ask yourself if there is anything else you need to do while you are down there.

~ You find yourself in the middle of the stairway, and you can't remember if you were downstairs going up or upstairs going down

Last Updated: 13 July 2011

Deep Thoughts

Details
Published: 16 May 2006

From an actual newspaper contest where entrants ages 4 to 15 were asked to imitate "Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey."

I believe you should live each day as if it is your last, which is why I don't have any clean laundry because, come on, who wants to wash clothes on the last day of their life? --Age 15

Give me the strength to change the things I can, the grace to accept the things I cannot, and a great big bag of money. --Age 13

It sure would be nice if we got a day off for the president's birthday, like they do for the queen. Of course, then we would have a lot of people voting for a candidate born on July 3 or December 26, just for the long weekends. --Age 8

Democracy is a beautiful thing, except for that part about letting just any ol' person vote. --Age 10

Home is where the house is. --Age 6

For centuries, people thought the moon was made of green cheese. Then the astronauts found that the moon is really a big hard rock. That's what happens to cheese when you leave it out. --Age 6

When I go to heaven, I want to see my grandpa again.  But he better have lost the nose hair and the old-man smell. --Age 5

As you make your way through this hectic world of ours, set aside a few minutes each day.  At the end of the year, you'll have a couple of days saved up. --Age 7

Often, when I am reading a good book, I stop and thank my teacher. That is, I used to, until she got an unlisted number. --Age 15

Think of the biggest number you can. Now add five. Then, imagine if you had that many Twinkies.  Wow, that's five more than the biggest number you could come up with! --Age 6

The only stupid question is the one that is never asked, except maybe "Don't you think it is about time you audited my return?" or "Isn't it morally wrong to give me a warning when, in fact, I was speeding?" --Age 15

If we could just get everyone to close their eyes and visualize world peace for an hour, imagine how serene and quiet it would be until the looting started. --Age 15

Last Updated: 13 July 2011

Cats

Details
Published: 15 May 2006

"There is no snooze button on a cat who wants breakfast."

"In a cat's eye, all things belong to cats."

"As every cat owner knows, nobody owns a cat."

"One cat just leads to another."

"Dogs come when they're called; cats take a message and get back to you later."

"Cats aren't clean, they're covered with cat spit."

"Cats are smarter than dogs.  You can't get eight cats to pull a sled through snow."

"Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods.  Cats have never forgotten this."

Last Updated: 13 July 2011

Money Worries

Details
Published: 15 May 2006

Fresh out of business school, the young man answered a want ad for an accountant. He was being interviewed by a very nervous man who ran a three-man business.

"I need someone with an accounting degree," the man said. "But mainly, I'm looking for someone to do my worrying for me."

"Excuse me?" the young accountant said.

"I worry about a lot of things," the man said. "But I don't want to have to worry about money. Your job will be to take all the money worries off my back."

"I see," the young accountant said. "And how much does the job pay?"

"I will start you at eighty-five thousand dollars."

"Eighty-five thousand dollars!" the young man exclaimed. "How can such a small business afford a sum like that?"

"That," the owner said, "is your first worry."

Last Updated: 13 July 2011

Miscellaneous Ponderings

Details
Published: 13 May 2006

A bus station is where a bus stops.
A train station is where a train stops.
On my desk, I have a work station...  GO FIGURE!

If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?

I believe five out of four people have trouble with fractions.

If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what goober came up with, "Quit while you're ahead?"

Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?

What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older, then it dawned on me...they were cramming for their finals.

Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office?  What are we supposed to do...write to these men?  Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen could look for them while they deliver the mail?

Last Updated: 13 July 2011
  1. Elementary Motherhood
  2. Cruising
  3. Inspiring Music
  4. You Know You Are a Geek When

Subcategories

Clean Jokes Article Count:  3612

Each day, enjoy a CleanLaugh here. Want the latest clean jokes e-mailed directly to you?  Subscribe to the Cybersalt Digest at www.cybersaltlists.org.

 

ss secret

The Best Kept Secret Ever!

July 06, 2015 Entertainment Pastor Tim
This husband and wife decided to have some fun and surprise all their friends and family with the big news of not just gender, but having twins.
ss mothers day

An Open Letter to Moms from Kid President

July 06, 2015 Entertainment Pastor Tim
This one goes out to moms! Spoken by someone who knows.
ss tire ski jump

Tire Ski Jump

Jun 29, 2015 Hits: 2175
 

Christmas Jokes Article Count:  77

a picture of christmas ballsWe think Cybersalt's collection of Christmas jokes is the best collection on the net. Right now it features over 70 jokes.

If you've got a Christmas joke we don't yet have, please send it to us so we can add to the collection!

Your Turn to Be Funny Article Count:  3

It's your turn to be funny.  Submit your funny caption today.

Funny Elephant Pictures Article Count:  16

Are you looking for funny elephant pictures?  You've come to the right place!

Cybersalt Digest Archive Article Count:  13

Games Article Count:  15

Here are the games we have on the site so far.  There aren't many but they're loads of fun.

Funny Pictures Article Count:  679

Cybersalt's funny pictures collection has been years in the making and continues to grow.  We are also in the process of moving images over from our old site so check back often.  Don't forget to check out our funny cat pictures, funny dog pictures, funny elephant pictures, and take your turn to be funny.

Funny Car Pictures Article Count:  169

Here's where we keep our funny car pictures.

Funny Cat Pictures Article Count:  231

catmelonhead150x127.jpgOver the years, some of the most popular pages on the Cybersalt site have featured Funny Cat Pictures. We have to admit that even though cats often look at humans like they owe the feline world something (remember dogs have owners and cats have staff), cats aren't as bad as a lot of the press that they get.

And so, whether you are a cat lover or tolerator, we hope you enjoy these funny cat pictures. And, of course, if you have any funny cat pictures you want to share with the world, feel free to send them to us to post here.

  

 

ss secret

The Best Kept Secret Ever!

July 06, 2015 Entertainment Pastor Tim
This husband and wife decided to have some fun and surprise all their friends and family with the big news of not just gender, but having twins.
ss mothers day

An Open Letter to Moms from Kid President

July 06, 2015 Entertainment Pastor Tim
This one goes out to moms! Spoken by someone who knows.
ss tire ski jump

Tire Ski Jump

Jun 29, 2015 Hits: 2175

 

 

 

Funny Dog Pictures Article Count:  149

dog_maggie.jpgSome say the world can be divided into two types - cat people and dog people. For the cat people of the planet, Cybersalt has the Funny Cat Archive. For the dog people we have this Funny Dog Pictures archive.

It's dedicated to the memory of Maggie - Pastor Tim and family's dog. The SPCA rescued Maggie from Manitoba's Red River flood in 1996 and brought her to British Columbia where she had two short term owners before becoming a part of the Davis household where she preferred adults over kids, picked and ate fruit from trees in the backyard, and very rarely went into water at the beach.

Funny Horse Pictures Article Count:  24

Here's our funny horse pictures collection.

Funny Christmas Pictures Article Count:  53

christmas cakeWe think Cybersalt's Funny Christmas Pictures Collection is the best on the net.

We hope you'll enjoy each one and share them with your online family and friends.

Merry Christmas!

Pearly Gates Jokes Article Count:  542

Here are some clean, theologically incorrect jokes.  Most of them have been featured in the PearlyGates section of the free Cybersalt Digest Newsletter - which you can subscribe to by clicking here.

FunBlog Article Count:  534

When Pastor Tim finds (or puts) fun things on the net, he posts them here.  If you would like to be updated when new things are added, just subscribe to the Cybersalt Digest Newsletter. Enjoy!

Cartoons Article Count:  3119

These are some of our favorite cartoons.

Backpew Article Count:  2944

Clean Puns Article Count:  1890

Our collection of puns.

 

ss secret

The Best Kept Secret Ever!

July 06, 2015 Entertainment Pastor Tim
This husband and wife decided to have some fun and surprise all their friends and family with the big news of not just gender, but having twins.
ss mothers day

An Open Letter to Moms from Kid President

July 06, 2015 Entertainment Pastor Tim
This one goes out to moms! Spoken by someone who knows.
ss tire ski jump

Tire Ski Jump

Jun 29, 2015 Hits: 2175

 

Funny Signs Article Count:  167

Our collection of funny signs.

One-liners Article Count:  1941

A great collection of clean, funny one-liners! 

Chicken Humor Article Count:  1

Chickens have grown to have a special place in Cybersalt's heart! 

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