Entertainment

A guy was down on Fisherman's Wharf in San Francisco when he saw a seafood restaurant and a sign on the Specials Board which read, "Big Lobster Tales, $5 each."

Amazed at the great value, he said to the waitress, "$5 each for lobster tails . . . is that correct?"

"Yes", she said, "It's our special just for today."

"Well", he said, "they must be little lobster tails."

"No," she replied, "they're really big!"

"Are you sure they aren't green lobster tails - and a little bit tough?"

"No", she said, "they're really big, red lobster tails"

"Big red lobster tails, $5 each?", he said, amazed.

"They must be old lobster tails!"

"No, they're definitely today's."

"Today's big red lobster tails - $5 each?" he repeated, astounded.

"Yes", she insisted.

"Well, here's my five dollars," he said, "I'll take one."

She took the money and led him to a table where she invited him to sit down. She then sat down next to him, put her hand on his shoulder, leaned over close to him and said,

"Once upon a time there was a really big red lobster ..."

A guy was down on Fisherman's Wharf in San Francisco when he saw a seafood restaurant and a sign on the Specials Board which read, "Big Lobster Tales, $5 each."

Amazed at the great value, he said to the waitress, "$5 each for lobster tails; is that correct?"

"Yes", she said, "It's our special just for today."

"Well", he said, "they must be little lobster tails."

"No," she replied, "It's the really big lobster."

Are you sure they aren't green lobster tails and a little bit tough?"

"No", she said, "it's the really big red lobster."

"Big red lobster tails, $5 each?", he said, amazed. "They must be old lobster tails!"

"No, they're definitely today's."

"Today's big red lobster tails, $5 each?", he repeated, astounded.

"Yes", she insisted.

"Well, here's my five dollars," he said, "I'll take one.

She took the money and led him to a table where she invited him to sit down. She then sat down next to him, put her hand on his shoulder, leaned over close to him and said, "Once upon a time there was a really big red lobster..."

Two overweight middle-aged women are on their daily exercise stroll. They were talking about how hard it is to lose weight as one gets older, something with which all you youths must deal eventually.

One woman complained that she remained an 'apple-shape' and the other said that no matter how much she exercised, there was too much poundage on her backside and thighs. It almost seemed like it was there to stay.

Her buddy agreed, saying, "It's true. The lard works in mysterious ways."

Young Mary was a dutiful child. She obeyed every rule and never once contradicted the commands that were issued daily to govern her life.

One day, when her aunt was bedridden with the flu, Mary was given the responsibility and duty of picking up her aunt's pay envelope. If the refrigerator was to be stocked for the week ahead, Mary and the rest of the family would need the money. The young girl duly went to the proper factory pay wicket, picked up the salary and hopped and skipped merrily homeward.

Alas and alack and other cries of lamentation! The envelope was jounced from her pocket. What consternation! What weeping! Mary was sent back over her route but to no avail.

Finally, she ran to the police station and cried to the desk sergeant, "I've lost my aunt's pay!"

"Cut the pig latin," the sergeant said, "just tell me where you lost them."

- By Himie Koshevoy