Entertainment

After every flight, pilots fill out a form (called a "gripe sheet," at some airlines) which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

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P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.

S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.

S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit

S: Something tightened in cockpit

P: Dead bugs on windshield.

S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent

S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.

S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.

S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.

S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.

S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.

S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)

S: Aircraft warned to: straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.

S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.

S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.

S: Took hammer away from midget

Here's a really fun game that has the same goal I had in college - to reach about 67%.  The instructions on how to play are below.  See how well you can do in the 5 minutes you have to play.

Instructions:

    * Mouse down to create a circle.
    * If a bouncing ball hits the circle, you'll lose a life.
    * Release the mouse to place the circle.
    * This version is time-locked and will go dead after 5 minutes of play.  

Tips:

    * Watch one spot and wait for it to clear out.
    * All filler balls weigh the same, which means placing small balls on top of big balls can cause a shift in the balance. This is especially useful if you can get a large ball to "push" the bouncing balls towards one side of the screen.
    * Be patient! There's no penalty for running out of time.
    * If possible, avoid the top right corner. If a bouncing ball gets "squished" it will reappear here.
    * Try dropping a ball from near the top of the level. As it travels downward, there will be some null space from where it pushes the bouncing balls out of the way. This is a great place to put more balls!
    * Dropping balls also makes it possible to capture bouncing balls in little cracks, which gives you more space to use.  

The wife was busy frying eggs, when her husband came home. He walked into the kitchen and immediately started yelling. "CAREFUL!!! CAREFUL! MORE OIL! TURN THEM! TURN THEM NOW! WE NEED MORE OIL! THEY ARE GOING TO STICK! CAREFUL! CAREFUL! TURN THEM! TURN THEM!!! HURRY UP! ARE YOU CRAZY! THE OIL IS GOING TO SPILL! USE MORE SALT! THE SALT!!"

The wife was very upset, "What is wrong with you? Why are you yelling like this? Do you think I don't know how to fry an egg?"

The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted you to know what it's like for me when I am driving the car and you're sitting next to me."

With the passing of time new challenges come to life.  There isn't much we can do about it but at least one thing we can do is laugh at our senior moments. Here's a fun song for senior citizens (and those of us hurtling towards that time of life).