Entertainment

Customer: "I've been ringing 0700 2300 for two days and can't get through to enquiries. Can you help?"

Operator: "Where did you get that number from, sir?"

Customer: "It was on the door to the Travel Centre."

Operator: "Sir, they are our opening hours."

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Caller: "I deleted a file from my PC last week and I have just realized that I need it. If I turn my system clock back two weeks, will I have my file back again?"

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Samsung Electronics Caller: "Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?"

Operator: "I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand who you are talking about."

Caller: "On page 1, section 5, of the user guide, it clearly states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the number for Jack?"

Operator: "I think you mean the telephone socket on the wall."

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RAC Motoring Services Caller: "Does your European Breakdown Policy cover me when I am travelling in Australia?"

Operator: "Doesn't the product give you a clue?"

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Caller (enquiring about legal requirements while travelling in France): "If I register my car in France, do I have to change the steering wheel to the other side of the car?"

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Directory Enquiries

Caller: "I'd like the number of the Argoed Fish Bar in Cardiff, please."

Operator: "I'm sorry, but there's no listing. Is the spelling correct?"

Caller: "Well, it used to be called the Bargoed Fish Bar, but the 'B' fell off."

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Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven.

Operator: "Woven? Are you sure?"

Caller: "Yes. That's what it says on the label: Woven in Scotland."

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On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone box told a worried operator:

"I haven't got a pen, so I'm steaming up the window to write the number on."

Our division had to repaint our Humvees to a sand color for Desert Storm. The result was a pinkish hue, and the jokes began.

One wag renamed us the Pink Panzer Division, but the best was the Humvee bumper sticker:

"Ask me about Mary Kay."

A farmer went to town to buy a pickup truck that he saw advertised in the paper for a certain price. After telling the salesman which truck he wanted, they sat down to do the paperwork. The salesman handed the farmer the bill, and the farmer declared, "This isn't the price I saw!" The salesman went on to tell the wise old farmer how he was getting extras such as power brakes, power windows, special tires etc. And that was what took the price up. The farmer need the truck badly, paid the price and went home.

A few months later, the salesman called up the farmer and said, "My son is in 4-H and he needs a cow for a project. Do you have any for sale?" The farmer said, "Yes, I have a few cows, and I would sell for $500.00 apiece. Come look at them and take your pick." The salesman said he and his son would be right out. After spending a few hours in the field checking out all the farmer's cows, the two decided on one and the salesman proceeded to write out a check for $500.00.

The farmer said--------"Now, wait a minute, that's not the final price of the cow. You're getting extras with it and you have to pay for that too." "What extras?" asked the salesman.

Below is the list the farmer gave the salesman for the final price of the cow..........

BASIC COW...............................$500.00

Two tone exterior..........................$45.00

Extra stomach...............................$75.00

Product storing equipment..........$60.00

Straw compartment....................$120.00

4 Spigots @$10 ea......................$40.00

Leather upholstery......................$125.00

Dual horns.....................................$45.00

Automatic fly swatter....................$38.00

Fertilizer attachment..................$185.00

GRAND TOTAL......................$1,233.00

During the first day of Hanukkah, two elderly Jewish men were sitting in a wonderful deli frequented almost exclusively by Jews in New York City. They were talking amongst themselves in Yiddish, the colorful language of Jews who came over from Eastern Europe.

A Chinese waiter, only one year in New York, came up and in fluent, impeccable Yiddish asked them if everything was okay and if they were enjoying the holiday.

The Jewish men were dumbfounded. "Where did he ever learn such perfect Yiddish?" they both thought. After they paid the bill, they asked the restaurant manager, an old friend of theirs, "Where did our waiter learn such fabulous Yiddish?"

The manager looked around and leaned in so no one else could hear and said, "Shhhh. He thinks we're teaching him English."