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Bert has this friend who always seemed to lean slightly to the left all the time. It used to bother him, so he suggested his buddy Louie should see a doctor, and have his legs checked out.

For years, Louie refused... told Bert he was crazy.

Last week, Louie finally went, and sure enough, the doctor discovered his left leg was 1/4" shorter than his right.

A quick bit of orthopedic surgery later, Louie was cured, and both legs are exactly the same length now, and he no longer leans.

"So," Bert says, "You didn't believe me when I told you a doctor could fix your leg."

Louie just looked at Bert and said, "I stand corrected."

A man goes into the doctor. He says "Doc, you gotta check my leg. Something's wrong. Just put your ear up to my thigh, you'll hear it!" The doctor cautiously placed his ear to the man's thigh only to hear "Gimme 20 bucks, I really need 20 bucks."

"I've never seen or heard anything like this before, how long has this been going on." The doctor asked.

"That's nothing Doc. put your ear to my knee."

The doctor put his ear to the man's knee and heard it say "Man, I really need 10 dollars, just lend me 10 bucks!!"

"Sir, I really don't know what to tell you. I've never seen anything like this." The doctor was dumbfounded.

"Wait Doc. that's not it. There's more, just put your ear up to my ankle." The man urged him.

The doctor did as the man said and was blown away to hear his ankle plead, "Please, I just need 5 dollars. Lend me 5 buck please if you will."

"I have no idea what to tell you," the doctor said. "There's nothing in about it in my books!" he said as he frantically searched all his medical reference books.

"I can make a well educated guess though. Based on life and all my previous experience I can tell you that your leg seems to be broke in three places."

My grandson, Chris, has worn glasses since the age of three. When he was in the first grade he came home one day very distressed. Wanting to find out what was the matter his mother asked, "Chris, what happened today to upset you so?"

He answered, "It's not fair that I'm not allowed to go to the library."

His mother became very concerned and asked, "Why aren't you allowed to go to the library?"

With a tearful reply he said, "Because, in order to go to the library you have to have super-vision, and I wear glasses!"

A young missionary on his first term in Africa was reading his Bible in a clearing when a lion came up and laid down beside him.

As he quietly prayed for deliverance, another lion came out of the bush and laid down by his other side. Convinced that this was a test of his faith, he returned to reading his Bible.

As soon as he did, the two lions pounced on him and devoured him.

Moral: Don't try to read between the lions.