I must admit (as a pc user) that I am starting to warm up to some apple products. I guess it all started when I got my iPhone. How far I slip into the madness remains to be seen. I think I'm still safe, though, because I can still laugh at iHumor.
-- The doc's thermometer registers in Fahrenheit, Celsius and dollars.
-- The bill came with payment coupons.
-- Your Doberman just ate the receptionist.
-- "He has a very rare blood type. It's called '$$ Positive.'"
-- He starts talking about extended quality of life, miracles of modern veterinary medicine and joint replacement procedures. You own a goldfish.
-- They take away the blood sample on a sterling silver serving tray.
-- The sad, pathetic whining in the exam room is coming from the owners.
-- You suddenly realize where you've heard that low whistle before: from the plumber and the auto mechanic.
-- "Do you have any idea how expensive hamster defibrillators are?"
-- and the #1 Sign Your Veterinary Bill is Going to Require Financing:
"We can rebuild him. Make him stronger, faster...."
Issue # 3342
Today's Cybersalt Digest is brought to you by:
Cybersalt News
Here's what's new on the Cybersalt Site today - and in recent days.
There is a new post on the Simply Susan blog. You can read "Free Like Never Before!" at:
https://www.cybersalt.org/
Rev. James Snyder writes about apologies on the front page at:
https://www.cybersalt.org
I make a bit of a confession about my strating to lean towards Apple products in the funblog at:
https://www.cybersalt.org/
And for those who like to keep up Westside Bible Church's services and messages, what we have recorded are updated once again at:
http://www.westsidefamily.org/
Here is today's CleanLaugh - "10 Vet Bill Signs"
10 Signs Your Vet Bill Is Going To Require Financing
-- The doc's thermometer registers in Fahrenheit, Celsius and dollars.
-- The bill came with payment coupons.
-- Your Doberman just ate the receptionist.
-- "He has a very rare blood type. It's called '$$ Positive.'"
-- He starts talking about extended quality of life, miracles of modern veterinary medicine and joint replacement procedures. You own a goldfish.
-- They take away the blood sample on a sterling silver serving tray.
-- The sad, pathetic whining in the exam room is coming from the owners.
-- You suddenly realize where you've heard that low whistle before: from the plumber and the auto mechanic.
-- "Do you have any idea how expensive hamster defibrillators are?"
-- and the #1 Sign Your Veterinary Bill is Going to Require Financing:
"We can rebuild him. Make him stronger, faster...."
You can rate this joke at:
https://www.cybersalt.org/
Today's CleanQuote
"The happiest part of a man’s life is what he passes lying awake in bed in the morning."
- Samuel Johnson
Today's Illustration - "A Strong Woman Versus a Woman of Strength"
Featured Illustration items are well suited for introducing or illuminating a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.
A strong woman works out every day to keep her body in shape ...
but a woman of strength kneels in prayer to keep her soul in shape...
A strong woman isn't afraid of anything ...
but a woman of strength shows courage in the midst of her fear...
A strong woman won't let anyone get the best of her ...
but a woman of strength gives the best of her to everyone...
A strong woman makes mistakes and avoids the same in the future...
a woman of strength realizes life's mistakes can also be God's blessings and capitalizes on them...
A strong woman walks sure footedly...
but a woman of strength knows God will catch her when she falls...
A strong woman wears the look of confidence on her face...
but a woman of strength wears grace...
A strong woman has faith that she is strong enough for the journey...
but a woman of strength has faith that it is in the journey that she will become strong...
- Marta S. Hardy
The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt
https://www.cybersalt.org/
Pastor Tim pastors at Westside Bible Church, Victoria, British Columbia http://www.westsidefamily.org
Please vote for the CleanLaugh List and Site at http://www.cybersalt.net/
Issue # 3341
Today's Cybersalt Digest is brought to you by:
Cybersalt News
I was in the market for a used car today. I just about bought a Toyota but with all the news about them lately I went with a sweet deal I found on a Ford Pinto. I'm so glad the media helped me keep perspective on things.
Some people like their moose in the freezer while others prefer the backyard sprinkler. Today's FunBlog features a video for the latter - though the former may get ideas from it too.
https://www.cybersalt.org/
Speaking of freezers, Rev. James Snyder thinks someone is upset about the cold weather - well actually more about the people who are all up in arms abouthot weather. You can read "Mother Nature's Cold Shoulder Revenge" on the front page at:
https://www.cybersalt.org
Finally, my hat's off (caouse it'snot snowing where I live!) to all who mde the right choice and went with SmileBox to get ready for Valentine's Day. It's not too late to get on the "Phew" bandwagon - SmileBox
.
Here is today's CleanLaugh - "Windshield Wiper Quit"
Which windshield wiper blade always quits first? That's right -- the driver's side. This happened to me one day while driving home in the middle of a blinding storm.
Unable to see, I pulled over and tried to figure out a quick fix. I found it in a yellow cotton work glove lying on the floor. I wedged the cloth hand under the wiper arm. It did a great job keeping my windshield clear.
Not only that -- you'd be surprised at how many people waved back.
You can rate this joke at:
https://www.cybersalt.org/
Please, under no cicumstances think that I do not realize that the following puns are anything other than painful and torturous. But for those who like that flavour of the genre, here you go, lol!
What do farmers give their wives on Valentine's Day?
A hog and kisses!
Why did the pig give his girlfriend a box of candy?
It was Valenswine's Day!
Do skunks celebrate Valentine's Day?
Sure, they're very scent-imental!
What did the French chef give his wife for Valentine's Day?
A hug and a quiche!
Liz: "I can't be your valentine for medical reasons."
Jon: "Really?"
Liz: "Yeah, you make me sick!"
What does a man who loves his car do on February 14?
He gives it a valenshine!
What did Frankenstein say to his girlfriend?
"Be my valenstein!"
Today's One-liner
"Camping is nature's way of promoting the motel business."
The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt
https://www.cybersalt.org/
Pastor Tim pastors at Westside Bible Church, Victoria, British Columbia http://www.westsidefamily.org
Please vote for the CleanLaugh List and Site at http://www.cybersalt.net/
Some people like their moose in the freezer while others prefer the backyard sprinkler. Here is video for the latter - though the former may get ideas from it too.
Each day, enjoy a CleanLaugh here. Want the latest clean jokes e-mailed directly to you? Subscribe to the Cybersalt Digest at www.cybersaltlists.org.
We think Cybersalt's collection of Christmas jokes is the best collection on the net. Right now it features over 70 jokes.
If you've got a Christmas joke we don't yet have, please send it to us so we can add to the collection!
It's your turn to be funny. Submit your funny caption today.
Cybersalt's funny pictures collection has been years in the making and continues to grow. We are also in the process of moving images over from our old site so check back often. Don't forget to check out our funny cat pictures, funny dog pictures, funny elephant pictures, and take your turn to be funny.
Here's where we keep our funny car pictures.
Over the years, some of the most popular pages on the Cybersalt site have featured Funny Cat Pictures. We have to admit that even though cats often look at humans like they owe the feline world something (remember dogs have owners and cats have staff), cats aren't as bad as a lot of the press that they get.
And so, whether you are a cat lover or tolerator, we hope you enjoy these funny cat pictures. And, of course, if you have any funny cat pictures you want to share with the world, feel free to send them to us to post here.
Some say the world can be divided into two types - cat people and dog people. For the cat people of the planet, Cybersalt has the Funny Cat Archive. For the dog people we have this Funny Dog Pictures archive.
It's dedicated to the memory of Maggie - Pastor Tim and family's dog. The SPCA rescued Maggie from Manitoba's Red River flood in 1996 and brought her to British Columbia where she had two short term owners before becoming a part of the Davis household where she preferred adults over kids, picked and ate fruit from trees in the backyard, and very rarely went into water at the beach.
Here's our funny horse pictures collection.
We think Cybersalt's Funny Christmas Pictures Collection is the best on the net.
We hope you'll enjoy each one and share them with your online family and friends.
Merry Christmas!
When Pastor Tim finds (or puts) fun things on the net, he posts them here. If you would like to be updated when new things are added, just subscribe to the Cybersalt Digest Newsletter. Enjoy!
Our collection of puns.
Our collection of funny signs.
A great collection of clean, funny one-liners!
Chickens have grown to have a special place in Cybersalt's heart!
