Entertainment

As we all know silk comes from silk worms, and no amount of experiment had been successful in industrializing the production of silk. Till Harvey came along that is ....

He came up with an ingenious new method and machine.

Politicians and leaders - especially from China and India - were up in arms and naturalists from all over the globe were happily lending their voice to create a movement against Harvey's product.

Harvey came up with a masterstroke and silenced them all with his single new slogan -

"Don't Decry Over Milled Silk."

Jimmy: 'Hey, Mike! How's your new pet fish doing? You told me he was really something special.'

Mike: 'To tell the truth, I'm really disappointed in him. The guy who sold him to me said I could teach him to sing like a bird.'

Jimmy: 'What? Let me get this straight... You bought a fish because you thought you could teach him to sing like a bird?'

Mike: 'Well, yeah. After all, you know, he's a parrot fish.'

Jimmy: 'Now listen, Mike, while you might be able to teach a parrot to sing, you're never going to get anywhere with a parrot fish.'

Mike: 'That's what you think! It just so happens this fish CAN sing. The thing is, he's terribly off-key and it's driving me crazy. Do you know how hard it is to tuna fish?'

There was this nun named Sister Mary who, though she tried and tried, could never please the Mother Superior.

One day she comes up with an idea: Since the abbey was always cold, she decided to cut some wood and build a fire in the fireplace to heat the place up.

She spent all day chopping, hauling and stacking wood.

Subsequently, she wound up shredding the sleeves of her habit.

Later that night, as the other nuns came into the rectory, they were delighted to find the place warm and cozy, with a big fire roaring in the fireplace.

Then Mother Superior comes in and yells, "Sister Mary! Go fix your torn habit this instant!"

Sister Mary, crying, asks, "But Mother Superior, aren't you happy that the abbey is warm?"

To which the Mother Superior replies, "Yes, but when you ax, then ye shall re-sleeve."

Randy W., of Los Angeles, put his mind to the oft-experienced problem of facing modern situations for which there are no existing words or phrases in the English language. The following are his suggestions for some situations to which we might all be able to relate.

arachnoleptic fit, n:

The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

bozone, n:

The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down at any time in the future.

cashtration, n:

The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.

caterpallor, n:

The color you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you're eating.

dopelar effect, n:

(1) The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when you come at them rapidly. (2) The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

extraterrestaurant, n:

An eating place where you feel you've been abducted and experimented on. Also known as ETry.

Grantartica, n:

The cold, isolated place where arts companies without funding dwell.

intaxication, n:

Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

kinstirpation, n:

A painful inability to get rid of relatives who come to visit.

lullabuoy, n:

An idea that keeps floating into your head and prevents you from drifting off to sleep.