Cybersalt News

Oh look, Chicken Thursday!

Yes, I'm back.  Once again I've been busier than a one armed man in a broom factory gathering no moss - or something like that.  Remember, if during one of these pauses in mailings you ever wonder if you are no longer getting my mailings, you can always check the archives to see if you have in fact missed any.  You can even have past issues e-mailed to you now!
www.cybersalt.org/newsletters/cybersalt-digest-archive
www.cybersalt.org/newsletters/pearlygates-digest-archive

With Mother's Day coming up in a few days, I've updated the "Mothers Jokes" page which features 27 mother themed jokes.
www.cybersalt.org/mother-jokes

Enjoy the rest of today's mailing!

*If They Had a Doting Mother*

MONA LISA'S MOTHER: "After all that money your father and I spent on braces, that's the biggest smile you can give us?"

COLUMBUS' MOTHER: "I don't care what you've discovered, you still could have written!"

MICHELANGELO'S MOTHER: "Can't you paint on walls like other children? Do you have any idea how hard it is to get that stuff off the ceiling?"

NAPOLEON'S MOTHER: "All right, if you aren't hiding your report card inside your jacket, take your hand out of there and show me."

ABRAHAM LINCOLN'S MOTHER: "Again with the stovepipe hat? Can't you just wear a baseball cap like the other kids?"

MARY'S MOTHER: "I'm not upset that your lamb followed you to school, but I would like to know how he got a better grade than you."

ALBERT EINSTEIN'S MOTHER: "But it's your senior picture. Can't you do something about your hair? Styling gel, mousse, something...?"

GEORGE WASHINGTON'S MOTHER: "The next time I catch you throwing money across the Potomac, you can kiss your allowance good-bye!"

JONAH'S MOTHER: "That's a nice story. Now tell me where you've really been for the last forty years."

THOMAS EDISON'S MOTHER: "Of course I'm proud that you invented the electric light bulb. Now turn it off and get to bed!"

PAUL REVERE'S MOTHER: "I don't care where you think you have to go, young man, midnight is past your curfew."

Remember half the people you know are below average.

Unexpectedly the bells in the Quasimodo's tower began to ring again.

I have a hunch he's back!

"I believe in Christianity as I believe that the Sun has risen, not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else."
- C.S. Lewis

What is a grandmother? (Taken from papers written by a class of 8-year-olds.)

A grandmother is a lady who has no little children of her own. She likes other people's.

A grandfather is a man grandmother.

Grandmothers don't have to do anything except be there when we come to see them. They are so old they shouldn't play hard or run. It is good if they drive us to the store and have lots of quarters for us.

When they take us for walks, they slow down past things like pretty leaves and caterpillars.

They show us and talk to us about the color of the flowers and also Why we shouldn't step on "cracks."

They don't say, "Hurry up."

Usually grandmothers are fat, but not too fat to tie your shoes.

They wear glasses and funny underwear.

They can take their teeth and gums out.

Grandmothers don't have to be smart.

They have to answer questions like "why isn't God married?" and "How come dogs chase cats?".

When they read to us, they don't skip. They don't mind if we ask for the same story over again.

Everybody should try to have a grandmother, especially if you don't have television, because they are the only grown ups who like to spend time with us.

They know we should have snack-time before bedtime and they say prayers with us every time, and kiss us even when we've acted bad.