Inspiration

An irate subscriber stormed into a newspaper office waving the current edition, asking to see "whoever wrote the obituary column."

When referred to a young reporter, he stormed, "You can see I'm very much alive, and you've put me in the obituary column! I demand a retraction!"

Replied the reporter, "I never retract a story. But I tell you what I'll do. I'll put you in the birth column and give you a fresh start."

"If speaking kindly to plants helps them grow, imagine what speaking kindly to humans can do."

- Unknown

"Every man is guilty of all the good he did not do."

- Voltaire

Once there was a little boy. When he was three weeks old his parents turned him over to a baby-sitter.

When he was two years old, they dressed him up like a cowboy, and gave him a gun.

When he was three, everybody said, "Ain't he cute!" as he went around lisping a beer commercial

When he was six, his father occasionally dropped him off at Sunday School on his way to the golf course.

When he was eight, his parents bought him a BB gun, and taught him to shoot birds. He learned to shoot windshields himself.

When he was ten, he spent his afternoon time squatting at the drugstore newsstand reading comic books. His mother wasn't at home, and his father was very busy.

When he was thirteen, he told his parents other boys stayed out as late as they wanted to, so they said he could too. It was much easier that way.

When he was fourteen, the police called his home very late one night.

"We have your boy here at the police station," they said. "He's in big trouble".

"In trouble?" screamed the father. "It can't be my boy!"