A police officer pulls over an eighty-six-year-old woman because her hand signals were confusing. "First you put your hand up, like you're turning right, then you wave your hand up and down, then you turn left," said the officer.
"I decided not to turn right," she explains.
"Then why the up and down motion with your hands?" asks the officer.
"I was erasing."
A pig and a chicken were walking by a church where a gala charity event was taking place. Getting caught up in the spirit, the pig suggested to the chicken that they each make an offering
"Great idea!" the chicken cried. "Let's offer them ham and eggs?"
"Not so fast," said the pig. "For you, that's an offering. For me, it's a sacrifice."
A patient, while recovering in the hospital from a heart attack, met this over-zealous evangelist. After listening politely for over a half-hour on how thankful he should be to have been spared, and how he should repent at once, he was asked if all of his sins had flashed before his eyes during the heart attack.
The patient responded, "Don't be ridiculous. The attack lasted only 6 hours."
A minister waited in line to have his car filled with gas just before a long holiday weekend.
The attendant worked quickly, but there were many cars ahead of him in front of the service station. Finally, the attendant motioned him toward a vacant pump. "Reverend," said the young man, "sorry about the delay. It seems as if everyone waits until the last minute to get ready for a long trip."
The minister chuckled, "I know what you mean. It's the same in my business."
A mathematics teacher came into the faculty room after she'd been watching a basketball game. Her face was glowing. "I've got the greatest idea for teaching!" she exclaimed.
"What do you mean? What's the idea?" asked a couple of colleagues.
"Well, you know how hard it is for us to really teach fractions? The kids just don't seem to be motivated to learn them."
"Yes, it's true," said a fellow math teacher. "So?"
"Well, the solution is to change the system of scoring in basketball. A free-throw, 2 2/3 point; a basket, 3 1/7, and a foul, 7/8 points!"
Featured Illustration items are well suited for introducing or illuminating a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.
Our collection of inspiring quotes.
A discussion about Truth and Reconciliation with two members of the Wiikwemkoong First Nation, and a member and Chief of the Aundeck Omni Kaning First Nation.
To find and watch other parts of this video series, visit the playlist at:
https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLsFiYkm76UF_Jrx2dFpJLuBqbUJ1NXNPA