Inspiration

Being a parent is like jumping out of a plane with a bunch of people who can't open their own chutes.

So you fly around doing it for them.

Then you hit the ground. But you don't die.

You haul yourself up off the ground and cook dinner.

- Unknown

A little boy is telling his Grandma how "everything" is going wrong: School, family problems, health problems, etc. Meanwhile, Grandma is baking a cake.

She asks her grandson if he would like a snack, which of course he does.

"Here, have some cooking oil."

"Yuck" says the boy.

"How about a couple raw eggs? "

"Gross, Grandma!"

"Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option."

- Mark Twain

A newly deputized police officer responded to a report of a bar room disturbance.

The "disturbance" turned out to be well over six feet tall and weighed almost 300 pounds.  What's more he boasted that he could whip the deputy and the "Heavy Weight Boxing Champion of the World."

Said the policeman, "I'll bet that you're also an escape artist too; probably better than Houdini."

The giant nodded.