Entertainment

A limousine had encountered a red traffic light and was waiting for it to change when a small Mini Cooper also drives up.  The haughty businessman in the back of the limousine started bragging to the Mini Cooper owner that his was the best car that money could buy.

"This is the best limo that money can buy.  It has ABS, airbags for all passengers, automatic climate control, onboard computer control system, photo chromatic glass, mini bar, a television with satellite dish embedded in the roof, blah blah blah...."

At this point the Mini Cooper owner interrupted.

"But do you have a video in there?"

The light changed at this point, and the limo driver pulled off.  The businessman in back felt a bit down that he didn't have this simple item, and that very day had one installed in the limo.

A few days passed by, and again the limo was at a traffic light when the businessman spotted the Mini Cooper again.  It was pulled over to a side, with the glasses all steamed up, and steam coming from a half open window.  Upon seeing this, the businessman got out of his car and knocked on the window of the Mini Cooper.  After a few moments, the Mini Cooper owner poked his head out (which was dripping with water, by the way!).

"I installed a VCR in my limo", said the businessman proudly.

The Mini Cooper-man responded:

"You got me out of the shower for THAT?"

A fella walked into a doctor's office and the receptionist asked him what he had.

He said, "Shingles."

So she took down his name, address, medical insurance number and told him to have a seat.  Fifteen minutes later a nurse's aid came out and asked him what he had.

He said, "Shingles."

So she took down his height, weight, a complete medical history and told him to wait in the examining room.  A half-hour later, a nurse came in and asked him what he had.

He said, "Shingles."

So she gave him a blood test, a blood pressure test, an electrocardiogram, told him to take off all his clothes and wait for the doctor.  An hour later the doctor came in and asked him what he had.

He said, "Shingles."

The doctor said, "Where?"

He said, "Outside in the truck.  Where do you want them?"

Mr.  Jacobson decided to take a week off from the pressures of the office and went skiing.  Alas, no sooner did he reach the slopes than he heard an ominous rumbling: moments later a sheet of snow came crashing toward him.

Fortunately, Mr.  Jacobson was able to jump into a cave just before the avalanche hit.  Just as fortunately, he had matches with him and was able to light a fire.

Hours later, when everyone but Mr.  Jacobson had returned, a rescue team was sent to search for him.  After several hours they saw smoke curling from the cave and went to investigate.
Poking his head into the entrance, one of the rescuers yelled, "Mr.
Jacobson, are you there?  It's the Red Cross."

Bristling, the harried executive called back, "Get lost.  I gave at the office!"

New to the United States, I was eager to meet people. So one day I struck up a conversation with the only other woman in the gym.

Pointing to two men playing racquetball in a nearby court, I said to her, "There's my husband." Then I added, "The thin one--not the fat one."

After a slightly uncomfortable silence she replied, "And that's my husband - the fat one."