Entertainment
- Details
We went in to city hall and consulted a map, with no luck, until finally one young man came to our aid. He pointed to the map, showing us exactly how to get there. I thanked the young man and asked if he was with the police or fire department.
"Neither," he replied. "I deliver pizzas."
- Details
One Sunday, a preacher was speaking on what it would take for the church to become better. He said "If this church is to become better, it must take up it's bed, and walk." The congregation said "Let it walk, Preacher, let it walk."
Encouraged by their response, he went further. "If this church is going to become better, it will have to throw aside it's hindrances and run!" The congregation replied, "Let it run, preacher, let it run!"
Now really into his message, he spoke stronger. "If this church really wants to become great, it will have to take up it's wings and fly!" "Let it fly, Preacher, let it fly!"
the congregation shouts.
The Preacher gets louder. "If this church is going to fly, it will cost money!"
The congregation replied. "Let it walk, Preacher, let it walk."
- Details
The chief took his place at the lectern. "I'm a little nervous," he began, "getting up before this distinguished audience and speaking today. But not nearly as nervous as I will be tonight when I must go home with my wife, Audrey, and explain Beverly to her!"
- Details
"Well, Cooter," Saddam replied, "This is indeed important news! Tell me, how big is your army?"
"At this moment in time," said Cooter after a moment's calculation, "there is myself, my cousin Bubba, my next door neighbor Jr, and the town's entire gun club........ that makes 8!"
Saddam sighed. "I must tell you Cooter, that I have 1 million men in my army waiting to move on my command."
"Sheooooot!", said Cooter, "I'll have to call ya back!"
Sure enough, the next day Cooter rang back. "OK Mr. Hoossayne, the war is still on! We managed to get some extry equipment!"
"And what equipment would that be, Cooter?" Saddam asked.
"Well, we got 2 combine harvesters, a bulldozer and Jr's tractor from his farm."
Once more Saddam sighed. "I must tell you, Cooter, that I have 16 thousand tanks, 14 thousand armored personnel carriers, and my army has increased to 1 and a half million since we last spoke."
"Tarnation!" said Cooter, "I'll have to get back witcha!"
Sure enough, Cooter rang again the next day. "OK Mr. Bigshot, the war is still on! We managed to get airborne!
We've modified Bubba's ultra-light with a couple of rifles in the cockpit and the volunteer fire department has joined us too!"
Saddam was silent for a minute, then sighed. "I must tell you Cooter, that I have 10 thousand bombers, 20 thousand MiG 19 attack planes, my military complex is surrounded by laser-guided surface-to-air missile sites, and since we last spoke, my army has increased to 2 million."
"Good gosh a'mighty!", said Cooter, "I'll have to call ya back!"
Sure enough, Cooter called again the next day. "OK Mr. Sada'am, I am sorry to tell you that we had to call off the war."
"I'm sorry to hear that" said Saddam. "Why the sudden change of heart?"
"Well," said Cooter "We all talked about it, and figured out that there's no way we can feed 2 million prisoners."
- Details
An elderly, wealthy woman in Florida was boring fellow beachcombers as she bragged on and on about her two remarkable grandchildren.
Unable to stand it any longer, a fellow sunbather interrupted her.
"Tell me, how old are your grandsons?"
The grandmother gave a grateful smile and replied, "The doctor is four and the lawyer is six..."
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