The New Alphabet for Older People

A is for arthritis
B is for bad back
C is for the chest pains. Corned beef? Cardiac?
D is for dental decay and decline
E is for eyesight--can't read that top line
F is for fissures and fluid retention
G is for gas (which I'd rather not mention)
   And other gastrointestinal glitches
H is high blood pressure
I is for itches

J is for joints that are failing to flex
L  for libido--what happened to sex?
Wait!  I forgot about K for bad knees
(I've got a few gaps in my M-memory)
N is for nerve (pinched) and neck (stiff) and neurosis
O is for osteo-
P is for porosis
Q is for queasiness. Fatal?  Just flu?
R is for reflux--one meal becomes two
S is for sleepless nights counting my fears
T is for tinnitus--bells in my ears
U is for difficulties urinary
V is for vertigo
W is worry
About what the X--as in X-ray--will find
But though the word "terminal" rushes to mind,
I'm proud, as each
Y - year - goes by, to reveal
A reservoir of undiminished
Z - zeal---
For checking the symptoms my body's deployed,
And keeping my twenty-six doctors employed.