A week ago, my mother-in-law began reading "The Exorcist."

She said it was the most evil book she had ever read. So evil, in fact, that she couldn't finish it.

She took it over to the beach and threw it into the ocean off of a fishing pier.

I went and bought another copy, ran a faucet over it, and left it in the night table drawer by her bed.

I'm going to hell.