Can a Vicar ever win?

If he visit’s his flock he’s nosey.
If he doesn’t - he’s lazy or a snob.

If he preaches longer than 10 minutes it’s too long.
If he doesn’t - he can’t be bothered to prepare for services.

If he runs a car he’s worldly.
If he doesn’t he’s always late for appointments.

If he tells a joke he’s flippant.
If he doesn’t he’s far too serious

If he starts the service on time his watch must be fast.
If he’s a minute late, he’s keeping the congregation waiting.

If he takes a holiday he’s never in the Parish.
If he doesn’t he’s a stick-in-the-mud.

If he runs a gala or bazaar he’s money mad.
If he doesn’t there’s no social life in the Parish.

If he has the church painted and refurbished he’s extravagant.
If he doesn’t the church is looking shabby and he doesn’t care.

If he’s young he’s inexperienced. If he’s old he should retire.

But .......... when he dies, there’s never been anyone like him!