Issue #4494
Cybersalt News
Oh look, Chicken Thursday!
It looks like the new IP has been accepted very quickly by other companies and everyone's inbox received Sunday's mail within hours of it being sent out - wonderful!
Enjoy the rest of today's mailing.
~ Pastor Tim
Today's CleanLaugh
Resume Blunders
How bad a mistake can you make on your resume? Here are some real-life examples:
"My intensity and focus are at inordinately high levels, and my ability to complete projects on time is unspeakable."
"Education: Curses in liberal arts, curses in computer science, curses in accounting."
"Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store."
"Personal: Married, 1992 Chevrolet."
"I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse."
"I am a rabid typist."
"Created a new market for pigs by processing, advertising and selling a gourmet pig mail order service on the side."
"Exposure to German for two years, but many words are not appropriate for business."
"Proven ability to track down and correct erors."
"Personal interests: Donating blood. 15 gallons so far."
"I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely nothing and absolutely no one."
"References: None, I've left a path of destruction behind me."
"Strengths: Ability to meet deadlines while maintaining composer."
"Don't take the comments of my former employer too seriously - they were unappreciative beggars and slave drivers."
"My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I possess no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage."
"I procrastinate - especially when the task is unpleasant."
"I am loyal to my employer at all costs. Please feel free to respond to my resume on my office voicemail."
"Qualifications: No education or experience."
"Disposed of $2.5 billion in assets."
"Accomplishments: Oversight of entire department."
"Extensive background in accounting. I can also stand on my head!"
Cover letter: "Thank you for your consideration. Hope to hear from you shorty!"
Today's One Liner
One-liner #1420
He was cured posthumously.
Today's Clean Pun
Escalating Annoyance
Elevator music bothers me on so many different levels.
Today's Quote
Quote #1861
"The shortest distance between us and the life we long for is total obedience to Christ."
- Max Anders
Today's Illustration
Proof of Identity
My friend Bev and her husband were reshingling their roof. As soon as they started, they realized they needed more supplies, so Bev grabbed the checkbook, jumped into her car, and drove the 45 miles to the nearest lumberyard.
After gathering the items she needed, Bev went up to the cashier and wrote a check. "I really need to see a photo ID," the clerk said.
"I don't have one on me," Bev replied.
The cashier called over the manager, who examined the check.
The manager looked up and asked Bev, "Who is the Avon lady in your town?"
Puzzled, Bev responded, "Maxine Thompson."
"Take her check," the smiling manager said to the cashier. "Maxine is my grandmother."
Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.
The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.