Cybersalt News
Sunday greetings everyone!
Rev. James Snyder might not be as quick at spotting a Nigerian email scam as his wife is - maybe. You can read, "Hallelujah, It IS a Scam" at:
www.cybersalt.org/gods-penman/hallelujah-it-is-a-scam
Enjoy the rest of today's mailing!
~ Pastor Tim
Today's CleanLaugh
Martha's Way vs. My Way #2
Martha's way: If you accidentally over salt a dish while it's still cooking, drop in a peeled potato and it will absorb the excess salt for an instant "fix me up"
My way: If you over salt a dish while you are cooking, that's just too bad. My motto is, I made it and you will eat it and I don't care how bad it tastes.
**********************
Martha's way: To easily remove burnt-on food from your skillet, simply add a drop or two of dish soap and enough water to cover bottom of pan, and bring to a boil on stove top.
My way: Eat out every night and avoid cooking.
**********************
Martha's way: To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes.
My way: Buy Hungry Jack mashed potato mix and keep it in the pantry for up to a year.
**********************
Martha's way: To prevent egg shells from cracking, add a pinch of salt to the water before hard boiling.
My way: Who cares if they crack, aren't you going to take the shells off anyway?
**********************
Martha's way: To get the most juice out of fresh lemons, bring them to room temperature and roll them under your palm against the kitchen counter before squeezing.
My way: Buy the lemon or lime juice that is in the little plastic lemon or lime.
**********************
Martha's way: Now look what you can do with Alka-Seltzer.
*Clean a toilet. Drop in two Alka-Seltzer tablets, wait twenty minutes, brush and flush. The citric acid and effervescent action clean vitreous china.
*Clean a vase. To remove a stain from the bottom of a glass vase fill with water and drop in two Alka-Seltzer tablets.
*Polish jewelry. Drop two Alka-Seltzer tablets into a glass of water and immerse the jewelry for two minutes.
*Clean a thermos bottle. Fill the bottle with water, drop in four Alka-Seltzer tablets, and let soak for an hour (or longer, if necessary).
My way: Put your jewelry, vases, and thermos in the toilet. Add some Alka-Seltzer and you have solved a whole bunch of problems at once.
Today's One Liner
One-liner #1308
Ever consider what dogs must think of us? I mean, here we come back from a grocery store with the most amazing haul - chicken, port, half a cow. They must think we're the greatest hunters on earth!
- Anne Tyler
Today's Clean Pun
Anger by the Numbers
I can't remember how to write 51, 6, and 500 in Roman numerals.
I am LIVID!
Today's Quote
Quote #1749
"Kind words do not cost much. Yet they accomplish much."
- Blaise Pascal
Today's Illustration
Who Is This?
In chemistry, He turned water into
wine.
In biology, He was born without the normal conception.
In physics, He disapproved the law of gravity when He ascended into heaven.
In economics, He disapproved the law of diminishing return by feeding 5,000 men with two fishes and 5 loaves of bread.
In medicine, He cured the sick and the blind without administering a single dose of drugs.
In history, He is the beginning and the end.
In government, He said that he shall be called Wonderful Counselor, Prince of Peace.
In religion, He said no one comes to the Father except through him; So. Who is He?
He is Jesus! The greatest man in history.
Jesus had no servants, yet they called Him Master.
He had no degree, yet they called Him Teacher.
He had no medicines, yet they called Him Healer.
He had no army, yet kings feared Him.
He won no military battles, yet He conquered the world.
He committed no crime, yet they crucified Him.
He was buried in a tomb, yet He lives today.
Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.
The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.