Cybersalt News
Sunday greetings everyone.
Rev. James Snyder seems to be obsessed with time lately, but then again, time has been messing with him; especially on a recent shopping trip his wife sent him on. You can read "Where in the World Does Time Go?" at:
www.cybersalt.org/gods-penman/where-in-the-world-does-time-go
Also, the Westside Bible Church website has been updated with the audio recording of my sermon from last Sunday. You can listen to "Groan" at:
www.westsidefamily.org/messages/groan
Enjoy the rest of today's mailing!
~ Pastor Tim
Today's CleanLaugh
Signs Your Church has Sold Out to Corporate Sponsors
- Taco Bell's talking dog now reading announcements.
- In Christmas play, Joseph seen drinking can of Coke.
- Greeters all dressed like Mr. Goodwrench.
- Personal pew licenses now sold.
- Baptismals include dolphin show from Sea World.
- Statue of Moses seen holding keys to a Jeep.
- The 12 disciples replaced by Disney characters.
- Scripture verses brought to you by Microsoft Office.
- Pastor doing subliminal product messages during sermon.
- Bulletin has coupon section.
- Choir members wear Dockers.
- In the restrooms, an attendant hands you a towel.
- There is a credit card swiper on the collection plate.
- Offering envelopes bearing Visa or MasterCard emblems on them.
- Handicap parking sponsored by the Family Medical Group, LLC.
- Wednesday night suppers sponsored by KFC.
- Sunday morning televised services sponsored by the FOX network.
- Church vans traded in for Ford Broncos.
- Church bell chimes to the tune of the NBC chimes.
- Choir robes with the Lands' End emblem on front.
- Sunday bulletins with the CNN logo.
- Free Perrier at all baptisms.
- Church flag football team sponsored by the NFL.
Today's One-liner
One-liner #1168
I'm not so sure about an inner child, but I have an inner idiot that surfaces every now and then.
Today's Clean Pun
Lay Miz
"You call this a musical?" asked Les miserably.
Today's Quote
Quote #1616
"The cost of non-discipleship is the irrelevance of the church."
- Ray Altman
Today's Illustration
God's Cake, Trials
Sometimes we wonder, "What did I do to deserve this?" or "Why did God have to do this to me?" Here is a wonderful explanation!
A daughter is telling her Mother how everything is going wrong, she's failing algebra, her boyfriend broke up with her and her best friend is moving away. Meanwhile, her Mother is baking a cake and asks her daughter if she would like a snack, and the daughter says, "Absolutely Mom, I love your cake."
"Here, have some cooking oil," her Mother offers.
"Yuck," says her daughter.
"How about a couple raw eggs?"
"Gross, Mom!"
"Would you like some flour then? Or maybe baking soda?"
"Mom, those are all yucky!"
To which the mother replies: "Yes, all those things seem bad all by themselves. But when they are put together in the right way, they make a wonderfully delicious cake!
"God works the same way. Many times we wonder why He would let us go through such bad and difficult times. But God knows that when He puts these things all in His order, they always work for good! We just have to trust Him and, eventually, they will all make something wonderful!"
God loves you so much! He sends you flowers every spring and a sunrise every morning. Whenever you want to talk, He'll listen. He can live anywhere in the universe, and He chose your heart and will live there if you will only ask Jesus into your heart.
I hope your day is a "piece of cake!" Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we can always choose to dance.
Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.
The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.org - a member of the Cybersalt family of sites.