Cybersalt News
Sunday greetings and Happy New Year everyone!
On the Cybersalt site today, Rev. James Snyder ponders resolutions and has one that will make your new year the best possible. You can read "You Know It's The New Year Again When ..." at:
www.cybersalt.org/gods-penman/you-know-its-the-new-year-again-when
Also, it's time to get "Happy New Year Dog" out again!
www.cybersalt.org/funny-dog-pictures/happy-new-year-dog
Enjoy the rest of today's mailing!
~ Pastor Tim
Today's CleanLaugh
Attainable New Year's Resolutions
This year, I resolve to...
- Gain weight; at least 30 pounds.
- Stop exercising; waste of time.
- Read less; makes you think.
- Watch more TV; I've been missing some good stuff.
- Procrastinate more; starting tomorrow.
- Spend more time at work, surfing with the T1.
- Take a vacation to someplace important: like, to see the largest ball of twine.
- Don't jump off a cliff just because everyone else did.
- Stop bringing lunch from home: I should eat out more.
- Don't have eight children at once.
- Get in a whole NEW rut!
- Start being superstitious.
- Personal goal: bring back disco.
- Don't bet against the Minnesota Vikings.
- Buy an '83 Eldorado and invest in a really loud stereo system.
- Get the windows tinted. Buy some fur for the dash.
- Speak in a monotone voice and only use monosyllabicwords.
- Only wear jeans that are 2 sizes too small and use a chain or rope for a belt.
- Spend my summer vacation in Cyberspace.
- Don't eat cloned meat.
- Create loose ends.
- Get more toys.
- Get further in debt.
- Don't believe politicians.
- Don't drive a motorized vehicle across thin ice.
- Avoid transmission of inter-species diseases.
- Avoid airplanes that spontaneously drop 1000 feet.
- Stay off the International Space Station.
- Not swim with pirhanas or sharks.
- Associate with even worse business clients.
- Spread out priorities beyond my ability to keep track of them.
- Wait around for opportunity.
- Focus on the faults of others.
- Mope about my faults.
- Never make New Year's resolutions again.
Today's One-liner
One-liner #1153
"I have CDO; it's like OCD but all the letters are in alphabetical order ... as they should be."
Today's Clean Pun
Winter Twilight
What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire?
Frostbite
Today's Quote
Quote #1601
"The heaven of heavens cannot contain Him, and yet He condescends to find a house within our hearts!"
- C. H. Spurgeon
Today's Illustration
Our Greatest Need
“If God had perceived that our greatest need was economic, he would have sent an economist.
If he had perceived that our greatest need was entertainment, he would have sent us a comedian or an artist.
If God had perceived that our greatest need was political stability, he would have sent us a politician.
If he had perceived that our greatest need was health, he would have sent us a doctor.
But he perceived that our greatest need involved our sin, our alienation from him, our profound rebellion, our death;
... and he sent us a Savior. ”
― D.A. Carson, A Call to Spiritual Reformation: Priorities from Paul and His Prayers
Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.
The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.org - a member of the Cybersalt family of sites.