Cybersalt News
I enjoy people who enjoy their jobs, so I enjoy the people in today's FunBlog entry. You'll find "Knocking Big Rocks Down" at:
www.cybersalt.org/funblog/knocking-big-rocks-down
Enjoy the rest of today's mailing!
~ Pastor Tim
Today's CleanLaugh
Senior "Favorite Things"
There are recent rumors that Julie Andrews did a concert for AARP (The American Association of Retired Persons). Ms. Andrews sang a favorite from the Sound of Music, "Favorite Things". There were a few changes to the words, to fit in with the AARP theme.
Here are the new words to this tune:
Maalox and nose drops and needles for knitting,
Walkers and handrails and new dental fittings,
Bundles of magazines tied up in string,
These are a few of my favorite things.
Cadillacs and cataracts and hearing aids and glasses,
Polident and Fixodent and false teeth in glasses,
Pacemakers, golf carts and porches with swings,
These are a few of my favorite things.
When the pipes leak,
When the bones creak,
When the knees go bad,
I simply remember my favorite things,
And then I don't feel so bad.
Hot tea and crumpets, and corn pads for bunions,
No spicy hot food or food cooked with onions,
Bathrobes and heat pads and hot meals they bring,
These are a few of my favorite things.
Back pains, confused brains, and no fear of sinning,
Thin bones and fractures and hair that is thinning,
And we won't mention our short shrunken frames,
When we remember our favorite things.
When the joints ache, when the hips break,
When the eyes grow dim,
I simply remember the great life I've had,
And then I don't feel so bad.
Today's One-liner
One-liner #1120
I need to get in shape; if I was murdered right now my chalk outline would be a circle.
Today's Clean Pun
Diet Anticipation
I just want to be as thin as my patience.
Today's Quote
Quote #1568
"Chains do not hold a marriage together. It is threads, hundreds of tiny threads which sew people together through the years."
- Simone Signoret
Today's Illustration
Harvesting, Frustration
Two farmers were comparing notes on the poor harvest.
"Jeb, I'm telling you the wheat was so poor I had to harvest it with scissors."
"That's nothing, Grady. I had to lather my field and shave it."
Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.
The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.org - a member of the Cybersalt family of sites.