Cybersalt News
Happy 3rd birthday to our grandson Torre!
Even though the Cybersalt Newsletters have not been going out for some time, that doesn't mean there weren't new pages added to the Cybersalt Site. To catch up on some of those (including a new Jeanne Robertson routine) head on over to the the FunBlog page at:
www.cybersalt.org/entertainment/funblog
Remember too, you can always get notifications about new Cybersalt pages (and other great pages we share) by following Cybersalt on FaceBook:
www.facebook.com/cybersaltsite
Enjoy the rest of today's mailing!
Today's CleanLaugh
If You Love Something Variations
THE ORIGINAL VERSION:
If you love something,
Set it free...
If it comes back, it's yours;
If it doesn't, it never was yours.
THE PESSIMIST VERSION:
If you love somebody,
Set her free ...
If she ever comes back, she's yours;
If she doesn't, well, as expected, she never was.
THE OPTIMIST VERSION:
If you love somebody,
Set her free ...
Don't worry, she will come back.
THE SUSPICIOUS VERSION:
If you love somebody,
Set her free ...
If she comes back, ask her why.
THE IMPATIENT VERSION:
If you love somebody,
Set her free ...
If she doesn't comes back within some time limit,
forget her.
THE PATIENT VERSION:
If you love somebody,
Set her free ...
If she doesn't come back, continue to wait
until she comes back ...
THE PLAYFUL VERSION:
If you love somebody,
Set her free ...
If she comes back, and if you love her still,
set her free again. Repeat
THE LAWYER'S VERSION:
If you love somebody,
Set her free...
Clause 1a of Paragraph 13a-1 in the second
amendment of the Matrimonial Freedom Act clearly states that...
THE BILL GATES VERSION:
If you love somebody,
Set her free...
If she comes back,
I think we can charge her for re-installation fees
and tell her that she's also going to get an upgrade.
THE STATISTICIAN'S VERSION:
If you love somebody,
Set her free...
If she loves you, the probability of her coming back is high;
If she doesn't, your relationship was improbable anyway.
THE POSSESSIVE VERSION:
If you love somebody
don't ever set her free.
THE MBA VERSION:
If you love somebody
set her free...
instantaneously...
and look for others simultaneously.
THE PSYCHOLOGIST'S VERSION:
If you love somebody
set her free...
If she comes back, her super ego is dominant;
If she doesn't come, back her id is supreme;
If she doesn't go, she must be crazy.
THE FINANCE EXPERT VERSION:
If you love somebody
set her free...
If she comes back, its time to look for fresh loans;
If she doesn't, write her off as an asset gone bad.
THE MARKETING VERSION:
If you love somebody
set her free...
If she comes back, she has brand loyalty;
If she doesn't, reposition the brand in new markets.
Today's One-liner
One-liner #0987
When the moon hits your eye,
like a big pizza pie ...
that's a lawsuit.
Today's Clean Pun
Dating a Philosopher
Trying to date a philosophy professor?
He doesn't even know if you exist or not!
Today's Quote
Quote #1436
"Jesus didn't come to tell us the answer to the questions of life, he came to be the answer."
- Timothy Keller
Today's Illustration
Change Your Stance
The newest member of the country club was taking his initiatory round of golf with the club's officers. He was nervous about making a good impression. He teed up the ball, spread his feet apart, fixed his stance, and took a healthy swing. The golf club removed about a pound of turf, but left the ball intact. Terribly embarrassed, the man again planted his feet, took another healthy swing, and again, totally missed the ball. Although thoroughly exasperated, once again he spread his feet apart, fixed his stance, and took a vibrant swing----and for the third time missed. Whereupon he looked up and said, "Wow, this sure is a tough course."
Many of us are more like that golfer than we care to admit. We spend our time and energy blaming our problems on circumstances and conditions and cultural contexts, when we should be changing our stance.
- Leonard Sweet
Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.
The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.org - a member of the Cybersalt family of sites.