In Today's Issue
Cybersalt News
I'm super excited to announce the beginning of some re-design on the Cybersalt Site! Over the next while you will notice that different areas have a much more user friendly way to be exposed to other and related content on the Cybersalt site.
For instance, if you go to view the latest funny cat picture "Presbyterian Wishes" (www.cybersalt.org/3r44) you will notice a column with other images randomly gathered from the Funny Cat Pictures and other Funny picture galleries. I think it makes the page look better and it's already making it easer for visitors to experience more of the over 13,000 pages on the site.
Enjoy the rest of today's mailing.
Today's CleanLaugh
How To Speak English Properly
*How to speak English Properly*
- Verbs HAS to agree with their subjects.
- Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
- And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.
- It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
- Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat)
- Also, always avoid annoying alliteration.
- Be more or less specific.
- Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary.
- Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies.
- No sentence fragments.
- Contractions aren't necessary and shouldn't be used.
- Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
- Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous.
- One should NEVER generalize.
- Comparisons are as bad as cliches.
- Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
- One-word sentences? Eliminate.
- Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
- The passive voice is to be ignored.
- Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical words however should be enclosed in commas.
- Never use a big word when a diminutive one would suffice.
- Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.
- Understatement is always the absolute best way to put forth earth-shaking ideas.
- Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know."
- If you've heard it once, you've heard it a thousand times: Resist hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it correctly.
- Puns are for children, not groan readers.
- Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
- Even IF a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
- Who needs rhetorical questions?
- Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
And the last one... - Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
Today's One-liner
One-liner #0955
Sometimes I wish I was an octopus so I could slap 8 people at a time.
Today's Clean Pun
Burnt Out Starter
Finding a burnt out starter motor is a moment of wreck ignition.
Today's Quote
Quote #1403
"What messes our life up most is the expectation of what our life is supposed to look like."
- Ann Voskamp
Today's Illustration
Decisions
A group of junior-level executives were participating in a management training program. The seminar leader pounded home his point about the need to make decisions and take action on these decisions.
"For instance," he said, "if you had five frogs on a log and three of them decided to jump, how many frogs would you have left on the log?"
The answers from the group were unanimous: "Two."
"Wrong," replied the speaker, "there would still be five because there is a difference between deciding to jump and jumping."
Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.
The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.org - a member of the Cybersalt family of sites.