Laws of Household Physics

Ever notice that the laws of household physics are every bit as real as all other laws of the universe?  Here are a few examples:

1.  A child's eagerness to assist in any project varies in inverse proportion to his ability to actually do the work involved.

2.  Leftovers always expand to fill all available containers plus one.

3.  A newly washed window gathers dirt at double the speed of an unwashed window.

4.  The availability of a ballpoint pen is inversely proportional to how badly it is needed.

5.  The same clutter that will fill a one-car garage will fill a two-car garage.

6.  Three children plus two cookies equals a fight.

7.  The potential for disaster is in direct proportion to the number of TV remote controls divided by the number of viewers.

8.  The number of doors left open varies inversely with the outdoor temperature.

9.  The capacity of any hot-water heater is equal to one and one-half sibling showers.

10.  What goes up must come down, except bubble gum and slightly used Rice Krispies.

One-liner #0690

As I walk in the Valley of the Shadow of Death, I think to myself, "This place obviously wasn't named by a real-estate developer."

Screwdriver

"Does that screwdriver belong to Philip?"

Clean Quote #1144

"Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain."  
- Lily Tomlin

A Priceless Gift

A Priceless Gift
by Helen Steiner Rice
 
Friendship is a priceless gift
That can't be bought or sold,
But its value is far greater
Than a mountain made of gold.

For gold is cold and lifeless,
It cannot see nor hear,
And in your times of trouble,
It is powerless to cheer.

It has no ears to listen,
No heart to understand.
It cannot bring you comfort
Or reach out a helping hand.

So when you ask God for a gift,
Be thankful that he sends,
Not diamonds, pearls, or riches,
But the love of a real, true friend.