Ten Rules for Good Housekeeping

Ten Rules for Good Housekeeping

1. It is time to clean out the refrigerator when something closes the door from the inside.  

2. Keep it clean enough for healthy, dirty enough for happy.  

3. Never make fried chicken in the nude.  

4. Do not engage in unarmed combat with a dust bunny big enough to choke the vacuum cleaner.  

5. Make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later start all over again.  

6. To hang up more clothes buy bigger door knobs.  

7. Sweep the room with a glance.  

8. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.  

9. Cobwebs artfully draped over lampshades reduce the glare from the bulb, thereby cre ating a romantic atmosphere.  

10. When writing your name in the dust on the table, omit the date.  

Planet of the Apes

"Planet of the Apes: I can't believe we made a movie that is essentially giving the apes a blueprint on how to take over the Earth."

Father's Occupation

"What's your father's occupation?" asked the school secretary on the first day of the new academic year.

"He's a magician, Ma'am" said Little Johnny.

"How interesting. What's his favorite trick?"

"He saws people in half."

"Wow! Now, next question. Any brothers or sisters?"

"One half brother and two half sisters."

Quote #1141

"Any hurt is worth it that puts us on the path of peace, setting us free for the pursuit, in Christ, of eternal life." - Eugene Peterson

Cheaper Insurance

Recently launched into the "real world" and shocked by the expenses that came with it, my brother was complaining about the high cost of auto insurance.

"If you got married," teased my dad, "the premium would be lower."

My brother smiled and said, "That would be like buying an airline just to get free peanuts."