Cybersalt News
Oh look, Chicken Thursday!
The good news first: my arm keeps getting better, which I am especially thankful for, because the rest of the week has been a parade of small adventures. Tuesday morning was an eye appointment — pleasant enough, until they dilated my pupils so wide I could practically see into next week. Then it was off to the dentist for two fillings, one of which was courtesy of a tooth that decided to crack all on its own. Not my favourite morning.
Ups and downs as usual — but I keep seeing ways God is working through both, so I remain a happy man.
Today's video share is one that has already helped me immensely. I am one of those people who gets introduced to someone, hears their name, and then forgets it before the handshake is over. It is always a little embarrassing the next time our paths cross. This video gave me some insight into why that happens, plus a few tricks that are already making it easier for me to remember names the first time around.
Click Here To Watch
Enjoy the rest of today's Digest.
~ Pastor Tim
Quotes from 11 Year-Olds' Science Exams
The following are all quotes from 11 year-olds' science exams:
"Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water."
"When you breathe, you inspire. When you do not breathe, you expire."
"H20 is hot water, and CO2 is cold water."
"To collect fumes of sulphur, hold down a deacon over a flame in test tube"
"When you smell an odorless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide"
"Nitrogen is not found in Ireland because it is not found in a free state"
"Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes, and caterpillars."
"Blood flows down one leg and up the other."
"Respiration is composed of two acts, first inspiration, and then expectoration."
"The moon is a planet just like the earth, only it is even deader."
"Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire."
"A super-saturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold."
"Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas."
"The body consists of three parts - the brainium, the borax and the abominable cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abominable cavity contains the bowels, of which there are five - a, e, i, o and u."
"Momentum: What you give a person when they are going away."
"Planet: A body of earth surrounded by sky."
"Rhubarb: a kind of celery gone bloodshot."
"Vacuum: A large, empty space where the pope lives."
"Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood is affirmative or negative."
"To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose."
"For a nosebleed: put the nose much lower than the body until the heart stops."
"For fainting: Rub the person's chest or, if a lady, rub her arm above the hand instead.
"For dog bite: put the dog away for several days. If he has not recovered, then kill it."
"For asphyxiation: Apply artificial respiration until the patient is dead."
"For head cold: use an agonizer to spray the nose until it drops in your throat."
"To keep milk from turning sour: keep it in the cow."
"The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects."
"The alimentary canal is located in the northern part of Indiana."
"The skeleton is what is left after the insides have been taken out and the outsides have been taken off. The purpose of the skeleton is something to hitch meat to."
"A permanent set of teeth consists of eight canines, eight cuspids, two molars, and eight cuspidors."
"The tides are a fight between the Earth and Moon. All water tends towards the moon, because there is no water in the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight."
"A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more extinct it is."
"Equator: A mangey lion running around the Earth through Africa."
"Germinate: To become a naturalized German."
"Liter: A nest of young puppies."
"Magnet: Something you find crawling all over a dead cat."
One-Liner #2024
Me and my wife used to fall asleep watching movies together; now we fall asleep trying to pick one.
Grizzly Dental Drama 🦷
Most zoo dentists refuse to treat a grizzly without strong anesthesia first.
Because there's safety in numb bears.
Quote #2460
"Friends are people who know you really well and like you anyway."
- Greg Tamblyn
52 Bible Verses for Men Week 11: Like a Dog Song 12
This song carries a strong message about wisdom, discipline, and human nature. Inspired by biblical Proverbs, it warns against repeating the same mistakes over and over again, comparing foolish behavior to “a dog returning to its vomit.” The lyrics emphasize the importance of listening to advice, accepting correction, and growing through discipline.
It also highlights God’s guidance and discipline as an act of love, much like a father teaching his son. Overall, the song is a powerful reflection on learning from mistakes and choosing wisdom instead of repeating destructive patterns.
Read moreDead Men Read No Mail
My father died on Jan 02, 1995. He left no forwarding address.
Therefore, it fell to me to collect his mail. I didn't expect much really, since my sisters and I had been careful to notify his bank, insurance agent and a host of other businesses that one of their customers was no more.
You would think a death notice would cut down on the amount of correspondence from those firms. Quite the contrary. Instead -- for months, mind you -- my deceased father continued to receive mail from companies that had been told of his passing but pressed on, determined to contact him anyway.
The first to hope for a reply from beyond the grave was my father's bank.
Dear Mr. Hanson,
Our records indicate payment is due for overdraft protection on your checking account. Efforts to contact you have proven unsuccessful. Therefore, we are automatically withdrawing your monthly $28.00 service charge from your account. Please adjust your records accordingly.
Sincerely,
The Phoenix Branch
Dear Phoenix Branch,
This is to notify you once again that Mr. Hanson died Jan 02, 1995. It is therefore unlikely he will be overdrawing his account. Please close his account, and adjust your books accordingly.
Sincerely,
Scott Hansom
Later that same week, I receive this note from Dad's insurance company. Again, this is a firm that had been told in no uncertain terms of his death.
Dear Mr. Hanson,
It's time to renew your auto insurance policy! To continue your coverage, you must send $54.17 to this office immediately. Failure to do so will result in the cancellation of your policy, and interruption of your coverage.
Sincerely,
Your Insurance Agent
Dear Insurance Agent,
This is to remind you that Mr. Hanson has been dead since January. As such, the odds he'll be involved in a collision are quite minimal. Please cancel the policy, and adjust your books accordingly.
Sincerely,
Scott Hanson.
The next day, I went to my mailbox to find this:
Dear Mr. Hanson,
Let me introduce myself. I am a psychic reader, and it is very important that you contact me immediately. I sense that you are about to enter a time of unprecedented financial prosperity. Please call the enclosed 900 number immediately, so I can tell you how best to take full advantage of the opportunities that are coming your way.
Sincerely,
Your Psychic Reader
Dear Psychic Reader,
My father regrets he will be unable to call your 900 number. As a psychic reader, I'm sure you already know my father is dead, and had been for more than three weeks when you mailed your letter to him. I sense my father would be more than happy to take you up on your offer of a psychic reading, should you care to meet with him personally.
Sincerely,
Scott Hanson
P.S. Should you be in contact with my father in the future, please ask him if he'd like to renew his car insurance.
A few months of calm passed, and then these arrived:
Dear Mr. Hanson,
Our records indicate a balance of $112 has accrued for overdraft protection on your checking account. Efforts to contact you have proven unsuccessful. Please pay the minimum amount due, or contact this office to make other arrangements. We appreciate your business and look forward to serving all of your future borrowing needs.
Sincerely,
Your Bank's San Diego District Office
Dear San Diego District Office,
I am writing to you for the third time now to tell you my father died in January. Since then, the number of checks he's written has dropped dramatically. Being dead, he has no plans to use his overdraft protection or pay even the minimum amount due for a service he no longer needs. As for future borrowing needs, well, don't hold your breath.
Sincerely,
Scott Hanson
Dear Mr. Hanson,
Records show you owe a balance of $54.17 to your insurance agent. Efforts to contact you have proven unsuccessful. Therefore, the matter has been turned over to us for collection. Please remit the amount of $54.17 to our office or we will be forced to take legal action to collect the debt.
Sincerely,
Your Insurance Agent's Collection Agency
Dear Collection Agency,
I told your client. Now I'm telling you. Dad's dead. He doesn't need insurance. He's dead. Dead, dead, dead. I doubt even your lawyers can change that. Please adjust your books accordingly.
Sincerely,
Scott Hanson
A few more months, and:
Dear Mr. Hanson,
Our records show an unpaid balance of $224 has accrued for overdraft protection on your checking account. Our efforts to contact you have proven unsuccessful. Please remit the amount in full to this office, or the matter will be turned over to a collection agency. Such action will adversely affect your credit history.
Sincerely,
Your Bank's Los Angeles Regional Office
Dear Los Angeles Regional Office,
I am writing for the fourth time to the fourth person at the fourth address to tell your bank that my father passed away in January. Since that time, I've watched with a mixture of amazement and amusement as your bank continues to transact business with him. Now, you are even threatening his credit history. It should come as no surprise that you have received little response from my deceased father. It should also be small news that his credit history is of minor importance to him now. For the fourth and final time, please adjust your books accordingly.
Sincerely,
Scott Hanson
Dear Mr. Hanson,
This is your final notice of payment due to your insurance agent. If our firm does not receive payment of $54.17, we will commence legal action on the matter. Please contact us at once.
Sincerely,
Your Insurance Agent's Collection Agency
Dear Insurance Agent's Collection Agency,
You may contact my father via the enclosed 900 number.
Sincerely,
Scott Hanson
It has now been a couple of months since I've heard from these firms. Either the people writing these letters finally believe my father is dead, or they themselves have died and are now receiving similar correspondence.
Actually, there has been a lesson in these letters. Any one of them would be cause for great worry, if sent to a living person. The dead are immune from corporate bullying. There's nothing like dying to put business correspondence in its proper perspective.
Perhaps that's the best reason not to fear death. There's no post office there.
~ By Scott Hanson, from the Orlando Sentinel Star newspaper
(News reporter and anchor with WESH-Channel 2 in Orlando.)
Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.
Rev. James Snyder, God's Penman, writes . . . .
If She Cannot Fix It, It’s Not Broken
Life has its many ups and downs. There are some weeks when there are more downs than ups. But if I didn’t have a down, I probably wouldn’t appreciate an up.
This past week was one of those down weeks. One day, we lost our electricity for maybe six hours, my printer died on me and some scammer tried to get money out of me by telling me my daughter was in jail and needed bail money.
Read moreSusan Page writes . . . .
A Story of Courage
Years ago, I was inspired when I watched Gabrielle (Gabby) Giffords being interviewed by Diane Sawyer on a televised special.
Gabby, a former member of the United States House of Representatives, had represented Arizona’s 8th congressional district since 2007. She is married to former astronaut and Space Shuttle Commander Mark Kelly.
On January 8, 2011, Giffords was a victim of a shooting near Tucson, at a supermarket where she was meeting publicly with constituents. She was critically injured by a gunshot wound to the head. Giffords was hospitalized and underwent life-saving surgery before being transferred to a rehabilitation facility where she recovered some of her ability to walk, speak, read, and write. On June 15th of that year, Gabby was released from the rehabilitation hospital to return home, where she continued her therapy.
Several things about this amazing woman and her journey stood out to me.
Read moreThe Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.