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Cybersalt News - January 1, 2023 (2)
Sunday greetings!
Just when Grandma Cybersalt and I thought we were getting better, we have either caught a new bug or been rebugged. So to limit your exposure to whichever it is, today's new is brief.
Today's video share is of a flyby of the planet Jupiter, with a bonus mooning before! Did you know in psace nobody can hear you cough!
Click here to watch today's video.
Enjoy the rest of today's mailing.
~ Pastor Tim
Television Bloopers - British Style
"Liz Taylor is recovering in hospital after having had a benign tuna removed from just behind her right ear."
Capital Radio Peter Snow: "In a sense, Deng Xiaoping's death was inevitable, wasn't it?"
Expert: "Yes."
Channel 4 News "As Phil De Glanville said, each game is unique, and this one is no different to any other."
John Sleighthome,
BBC1 Shoemaker: "Sometimes we use French leather."
John Eley: "Where do you get that from?"
Shoemaker: "France!"
BBC Radio Suffolk "You weigh up the pros and cons and try to put them in chronological order."
DAVE BASSETT, Radio 5 Live Shane Ritchie: "What's your name?"
Contestant: "Eva."
Shane Ritchie: "Short for?"
Contestant: "Eva."
ITV "If England are going to win this match, they're going to have to score a goal."
JIMMY HILL, BBC Fern Brittain: "So you're a schoolteacher. And what sort of children do you teach?"
Contestant: "Schoolchildren."
BBC2 "You could hear everyone's eyebrows going higher and higher into their foreheads."
Member of 'Piece by Piece', Radio 1 "Beethoven, Kurtag, Charles Ives, Debussy - four very different names."
Presenter, BBC Proms, Radio 3 "It's like learning to play golf. Just when you think you've cracked it, they move the goalposts."
Adrian Love, Southern Counties Radio "Cystitis is a living death, it really is. Nobody ever talks about it, but if I was faced with a choice between having my arms removed and getting cystitis, I'd wave goodbye to my arms quite happily."
Louise Wener (of Sleeper) in Q Magazine "...an idea someone picks up and runs with, only to find they've painted themselves into a corner."
Labour Spokesperson, BBC1 "Morcelli has the four fastest 1500-metre times ever. And all those times are at 1500 metres."
David Coleman (who else?), BBC1 Listener: "My most embarrassing moment was when my artificial leg fell off at the altar on my wedding day."
Simon Fanshawe: "How awful! Do you still have an artificial leg?"
Talk Radio "The pit say PUMP ON, that probably means to switch the pump on."
Murray Walker, BBC Interviewer: "So did you see which train crashed into which train first?"
15-year-old: "No, they both ran into each other at the same time."
Radio 4 "The lack of money is evident but you've got 12,000 volunteers who'll break their back to make sure it's a success." Today Program (on the Paralympics)
Presenter (to palaeontologist):
"So what would happen if you mated the woolly mammoth with, say, an elephant?"
Guest: "Well in the same way that a horse and a donkey produce a mule, we'd get a sort of half-mammoth.
Presenter: "So it'd be like some sort of hairy gorilla?"
Guest: "Er, yes, but elephant shaped, and with tusks."
One-liner #1713
Don't ask a girl where she wants to go for dinner ... tell her to guess where you're taking her to eat, and then take her to her first guess!
"Be a Billionaire!"
and Help
Refugees and
Persecuted Christians
Animal Characteristics
Some farmers were standing around shooting the breeze one day when the topic came around to animals and their distinguishing traits.
The group agreed that the dog was probably the most loyal animal and the mule was undoubtedly the most stubborn.
Farmer Jones piped in, "You know, I believe probably the friendliest animal in all God's creation is the goose."
The others wanted to know how he arrived at such a conclusion.
"Well," explained Farmer Jones, "I was out standing in my corn the other day, and a whole flock of 'em came by overhead. And, do you know, every single one of 'em honked and waved!"
Quote #2149
Until the lion learns to write, every story will glorify the hunter.
- An African Proverb.
The Marbles, Kind Deeds
During the waning years of the depression in a small southeastern Idaho community, I used to stop by Brother Miller's roadside stand for farm-fresh produce as the season made it available. Food and money were still extremely scarce and bartering was used, extensively.
One particular day Brother Miller was bagging some early potatoes for me.
I noticed a small boy, delicate of bone and feature, ragged but clean, hungrily appraising a basket of freshly picked green peas.
I paid for my potatoes but was also drawn to the display of fresh green peas. I am a pushover for creamed peas and new potatoes. Pondering the peas, I couldn't help overhearing the conversation between Brother Miller and the ragged boy next to me.
"Hello Barry, how are you today?"
"H'lo, Mr. Miller. Fine, thank ya. Jus' admirin' them peas......sure look good."
"They are good, Barry. How's your Ma?"
"Fine. Gittin' stronger alla' time."
"Good. Anything I can help you with?"
"No, Sir. Jus' admirin' them peas."
"Would you like to take some home?"
"No, Sir. Got nuthin' to pay for 'em with."
"Well, what have you to trade me for some of those peas?"
"All I got's my prize marble here."
"Is that right? Let me see it."
"Here 'tis. She's a dandy."
"I can see that. Hmmmm, only thing is this one is blue and I sort of go for red. Do you have a red one like this at home?"
"Not 'zackley .....but, almost."
"Tell you what. Take this sack of peas home with you and next trip this way let me look at that red marble."
"Sure will. Thanks, Mr. Miller."
Mrs. Miller, who had been standing nearby, came over to help me. With a smile she said: "There are two other boys like him in our community, all three are in very poor circumstances. Jim just loves to bargain with them for peas, apples, tomatoes or whatever. When they come back with their red marbles, and they always do, he decides he doesn't like red after all and he sends them home with a bag of produce for a green marble or an orange one, perhaps." I left the stand, smiling to myself, impressed with this man.
A short time later I moved to Utah but I never forgot the story of this man, the boys and their bartering.
Several years went by each more rapid than the previous one. Just recently I had occasion to visit some old friends in that Idaho community and while I was there learned that Brother Miller had died. They were having his viewing that evening and knowing my friends wanted to go, I agreed to accompany them.
Upon our arrival at the mortuary we fell into line to meet the relatives of the deceased and to offer whatever words of comfort we could. Ahead of us in line were three young men. One was in an army uniform and the other two wore nice haircuts, dark suits and white shirts...very professional looking.
They approached Mrs. Miller, standing smiling and composed, by her husband's casket. Each of the young men hugged her, kissed her on the cheek, spoke briefly with her and moved on to the casket. Her misty light blue eyes followed them as, one by one, each young man stopped briefly and placed his own warm hand over the cold pale hand in the casket.
Each left the mortuary, awkwardly, wiping his eyes.
Our turn came to meet Mrs. Miller. I told her who I was and mentioned the story she had told me about the marbles. Eyes glistening she took my hand and led me to the casket. "Those three young men, that just left, were the boys I told you about. They just told me how they appreciated the things Jim "traded" them. Now, at last, when Jim could not change his mind about color or size...they came to pay their debt. We've never had a great deal of the wealth of this world," she confided, "but, right now, Jim would consider himself the richest man in Idaho."
And with loving gentleness she lifted the lifeless fingers of her deceased husband.
Resting underneath were three, magnificently shiny, red marbles.
Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.
The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.