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Cybersalt News
Oh look, Chicken Thursday!
On Sunday I reported that Pastor Suneel had found a house for him and his family to rent. That turned out to be short-lived for reasons of persecution and pressure put on his landlord by neighbours. However, another rental situation has been found so we are thankful to God for that provision.
Today's video share shows something pretty cool that you should definitely not play with!
Click here to watch the video.
Enjoy the rest of today's mailing!
~ Pastor Tim
You've Had Too Much Coffee When
1. You ski uphill.
2. You get a speeding ticket even when you're parked.
3. You speed walk in your sleep.
4. You answer the door before people knock.
5. Juan Valdez has named his donkey after you.
6. You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse.
7. You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
8. You just completed another sweater and you don't even know how to knit.
9. You sleep with your eyes open.
10. You have to watch videos in fast-forward.
11. The only time you're standing still is during an earthquake.
12. You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without using the timer.
13. You lick your coffee pot clean.
14. You spend your vacations visiting "Maxwell House."
15. You're the employee of the month at the local coffee house and you don't even work there.
16. You've worn out your third pair of tennis shoes this week.
17. Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
18. You chew on other people's fingernails.
19. Cocaine is a downer.
20. The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse.
21. All your kids are named "Joe."
22. Your only source of nutrition comes from "Sweet & Low."
23. You buy ½ and ½ by the barrel.
24. You're so jittery that people use your hands to blend their drinks.
25. You can type sixty words per minute with your feet.
26. You can jump-start your car without cables.
27. You've worn out the handle on your favourite mug.
28. You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee.
29. You forget to unwrap candy bars before eating them.
30. You don't need a hammer to pound in nails.
31. You don't sweat, you percolate.
32. You walk twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize it's not plugged in.
33. Charles Manson thinks you need to calm down.
34. You've built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers.
35. Starbucks owns the mortgage on your home.
36. Instant coffee takes too long.
37. People get dizzy just watching you.
38. When you find a penny, you say, "Find a penny, pick it up. Sixty-three more, I'll have a cup."
39. The Taster's Choice couple wants to adopt you.
40. Your taste buds are so numb you could drink your lava lamp.
41. You're so wired, you pick up AM radio.
42. People can test their batteries in your ears.
43. You life's goal is to amount to a hill of beans.
44. You channel surf faster without a remote.
45. When someone asks, "How are you?", you say, "Good to the last drop!"
46. You want to be cremated just so you can spend eternity in a coffee can.
47. Your birthday is a national holiday in Brazil.
48. You'd be willing to spend time in a Turkish prison.
49. You go to sleep just so you can wake up and smell the coffee.
50. You're offended when people use the word "brew" to mean beer.
51. You named your cats "Cream" and "Sugar".
52. Your lips are permanently stuck in the sipping position.
53. You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.
54. You think being called a "drip" is a compliment.
55. Your 3 favorite things in life are: coffee before, coffee during, and coffee after.
56. You can't even remember your second cup.
57. You help your dog chase its tail.
58. You speak perfect Arabic without ever taking a lesson.
59. Your Thermos has wheels.
60. You soak your dentures in coffee overnight.
61. You introduce your spouse as your "CoffeeMate."
62. Your first-aid kit contains 2-pints of coffee with an I-V hook-up.
63. You can outlast the Energizer bunny.
64. You short out motion detectors.
65. You have conniptions over spilled milk.
66. You don't even wait for the water to boil anymore.
67. Your nervous twitch registers on the Richter scale.
68. You don't tan, you roast.
69. You don't get mad, you get steamed.
70. Your coffee mug is insured by Lloyds of London.
71. You think CPR stands for "Coffee Provides Resuscitation."
72. You read this entire list.
One-Liner #1698
Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.
- George Carlin
"Be a Billionaire!"
and Help
Refugees and
Persecuted Christians
Air Pun
Air Pollution is a mist-demeanor.
Quote #2135
Don't search for the meaning of life. Simply be present for the people you love.
- Maxime Lagacé
Shocked in Heaven
I was shocked, confused, bewildered
as I entered Heaven's door,
Not by the beauty of it all,
by the lights or its decor.
But it was the folks in Heaven
who made me sputter and gasp--
the thieves, the liars, the sinners,
the alcoholics, the trash.
There stood the kid from seventh grade
who swiped my lunch money twice.
Next to him was my old neighbor
who never said anything nice.
Herb, who I always thought
was rotting away in hell,
was sitting pretty on cloud nine,
looking incredibly well.
I nudged Jesus, "What's the deal?
I would love to hear Your take.
How'd all these sinners get up here?
God must've made a mistake.
And why's everyone so quiet,
so somber? Give me a clue."
"Hush, child," said He "They're all in shock.
No one thought they'd see you."
David J. Nixon (1996)
Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.
The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.