Cybersalt News
Oh look, Chicken Thursday!
There are still billions waiting to make you no richer on earth. In return for a donation that will go to help persecuted Christians around the world, you'll be sent an actual, general circulation, novelty Zimbabwean bill. You can order multiple bills of different denominations (sorry, we're out of Baptist ones) if you like. To see pictures of this funny money, head on over to the store at:
www.cybersalt.org/inspiration/be-a-billionaire-fund-raiser
Enjoy the rest of today's mailing!
~ Pastor Tim
Today's CleanLaugh
What Doctors are Thinking
What doctors say, and what they're really thinking:
"This should be taken care of right away."
I'd planned a trip to Hawaii next month, but this is so easy and profitable that I want to fix it before it cures itself.
"Welllllll, what have we here...?"
He has no idea and is hoping you'll give him a clue.
"Let me check your medical history."
I want to see if you've paid your last bill before spending any more time with you.
"Why don't we make another appointment later in the week."
I'm playing golf this afternoon, and this a waste of time.
--or-- I need the bucks, so I'm charging you for another office visit.
"We have some good news and some bad news."
The good news is, I'm going to buy that new BMW. The bad news is, you're going to pay for it.
"Let's see how it develops."
Maybe in a few days it will grow into something that can be cured.
"Let me schedule you for some tests."
I have a forty percent interest in the lab.
"I'd like to prescribe a new drug."
I'm writing a paper and would like to use you for a guinea pig.
"If it doesn't clear up in a week, give me a call."
I don't know what it is. Maybe it will go away by itself.
"That's quite a nasty looking wound."
I think I'm going to throw up.
"This may smart a little."
Last week two patients bit off their tongues.
"Well, we're not feeling so well today, are we...?"
I'm stalling for time. Who are you and why are you here?
"This should fix you up."
The drug company slipped me some big bucks to prescribe this stuff.
"Everything seems to be normal."
Rats! I guess I can't buy that new beach condo after all.
"I'd like to run some more tests."
I can't figure out what's wrong. Maybe the kid in the lab can solve this one.
"There is a lot of that going around."
That's the third one this week! I'd better learn something about this.
"If those symptoms persist, call for an appointment."
I've never heard of anything so disgusting. Thankfully I'm off next week.
Today's One Liner
One-liner #1313
He doesn't have much of a reputation, or so I've heard.
“If we had open spiritual eyes we would see not only a world filled with evil spirits and powers―but also powerful angels with drawn swords, set for our defense.”
―Billy Graham
Available in hardback, paperback, audio, and Kindle - Click Here.
Today's Clean Pun
Foggy
The meaning of opaque is unclear.
Today's Quote
Quote #1754
"Worry does not take away tomorrow's troubles; it takes away today's peace."
- Unknown
Today's Illustration
House Secrets
A few years ago we were desperately trying to sell our house, which was situated on a busy thoroughfare. Our real estate agent decided to have an open-house nearly every day to promote the sale. We instructed the children not to talk to anyone about the house.
One evening a man took our seven-year-old daughter aside and asked if our house had any secrets he should know. Her first reaction was to smile and ignore his question. But he became more persistent and, finally, she confessed there was one secret but she could not tell it to him.
"Now we're getting somewhere," he said. "Tell me the secret. I promise I won't tell anyone."
She looked him straight in the eye before whispering, "We have monsters in our sewer."
Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.
The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.