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Today's CleanLaugh
 Mine eyes have seen the horror
Of the ending of the term
It has poisoned all my spirits
Like an apple with a worm
It's infected all my freedom
Like an ugly cancer germ
The truth shall soon be known.
Chorus: Failure, failure, degradation,
Failure and humiliation,
Failure, failure, academia,
The truth shall soon be known.
I have listened to the teachers
But the homework leaves me cold
I have never done assignments
Although many times been told
I have even missed my classes
When I was feeling bold
The truth shall soon be known
Chorus: Failure, failure, degradation,
Failure and humiliation,
Failure, failure, academia,
The truth shall soon be known.
They are adding all my points up
And I haven't earned but few
In fact, I haven't even gotten
More than one or two
Oh, if I could only find an answer
Anything to do
The truth shall soon be known.
Chorus: Failure, failure, degradation,
Failure and humiliation,
Failure, failure, academia,
The truth shall soon be known.
On the lines of every grade book
There is solemn news for me
The worst is yet to come when
Financial Aid ignores my plea
So I guess the only answer is
To drop my books and flee
The truth shall soon be known.
Chorus: Failure, failure, degradation,
Failure and humiliation,
Failure, failure, academia,
The truth shall soon be known.
Well, the end has finally come
And I have failed to pass a class
Though the fun and laughter, goofing off
Was really quite a gas
But I won't be in the numbers
Of the capped and gowned mass
The truth was finally shown.
Chorus: Failure, failure, degradation,
Failure, and humiliation,
Failure, failure, academia,
The truth was finally known.
Today's One-liner
 If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, eventually they would find me attractive.
Today's Clean Pun
 There was a very gracious lady who was mailing an old family Bible to her brother in another part of the country.
"Is there anything breakable in here?" asked the postal clerk.
"Only the Ten Commandments," answered the lady.
Today's Quote
"Christians believe in the virgin birth of Jesus. Materialists believe in the virgin birth of the cosmos. Choose your miracle."
- Glen Scrivener @ abr_apologetics
Today's Illustration
 An atheist was quite incensed over the preparation for Easter and Passover holidays and decided to contact the local ACLU about the discrimination inflicted on atheists by the constant celebrations afforded to Christians and Jews with all their holidays while the atheists had no holidays for them to celebrate.
The ACLU jumped on the opportunity to once again pick up the cause of the downtrodden and assigned their sharpest attorney to the case.
The case was brought up before a learned judge who after listening to the passionate presentation by the ACLU representative, promptly banged his gavel and said, "Case dismissed!"
The ACLU lawyer stood up and objected to the ruling and said, "Your honor, how can you dismiss this case? Surely the Christians have Christmas, Easter and many other observances. And the Jews - why in addition to Passover they have Yom Kippur and Hanukkah.....and yet my client and all other atheists have no such holiday!"
The judge leaned back in his chair and simply said, "Obviously your client is too confused to know about or for that matter even celebrate the atheists holiday!"
The ACLU lawyer pompously said, "We are aware of no such holiday for atheists - just when might that be?"
The judge said, "Well it comes every year at the same time - April 1st"!
"Only fools says in their hearts, 'There is no God.'" - Psalm 53:1, Psalm 14:1
Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.
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The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.org - a member of the Cybersalt family of sites.
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