Cybersalt News
Sunday greetings everyone.
Is Rev. James Snyder as eccentric his wife thinks or is he just trying to find his purpose in life? You can decide for yourself by reading "Some Things Are Just Personal" at:
www.cybersalt.org/gods-penman/some-things-are-just-personal
There is a new inspirational video on the Cybersalt today. Are you up to joining the Advent Conspiracy? You can find out more at:
www.cybersalt.org/videos/advent-conspiracy
Enjoy the rest of today's mailing!
~ Pastor Tim
Today's CleanLaugh
Preparing For Ski Season
Ski season will be here soon! Hence, the following list of exercises to get you prepared:
16. Visit your local butcher and pay $30 to sit in the walk-in freezer for a half an hour. Afterwards, burn two $50 dollar bills to warm up.
15. Soak your gloves and store them in the freezer after every use.
14. Fasten a small, wide rubber band around the top half of your head before you go to bed each night.
13. If you wear glasses, begin wearing them with glue smeared on the lenses.
12. Throw away a hundred dollar bill - now.
11. Find the nearest ice rink and walk across the ice 20 times in your ski boots carrying two pairs of skis, accessory bag and poles. Pretend you are looking for your car. Sporadically drop things.
10. Place a small but angular pebble in your shoes, line them with crushed ice, and then tighten a C-clamp around your toes.
9. Buy a new pair of gloves and immediately throw one away.
8. Secure one of your ankles to a bedpost and ask a friend to run into you at high speed.
7. Go to McDonald's and insist on paying $8.50 for a hamburger. Be sure you are in the longest line.
6. Clip a lift ticket to the zipper of your jacket and ride a motorcycle fast enough to make the ticket lacerate your face.
5. Drive slowly for five hours - anywhere - as long as it's in a snowstorm and you're following an 18-wheeler.
4. Fill a blender with ice, hit the pulse button and let the spray blast your face. Leave the ice on your face until it melts. Let it drip into your clothes.
3. Dress up in as many clothes as you can and then proceed to take them off because you have to go to the bathroom.
2. Slam your thumb in a car door. Don't go see a doctor.
1. Repeat all of the above every Saturday and Sunday until it's time for the real thing!
Today's One-liner
One-liner #1145
Regarding "Eternal Truths:"
Show me an honest man and I'll show you a man who tells the truth.
Today's Clean Pun
Weather Fail
I tried to catch fog yesterday. Mist!
Today's Quote
Quote #1593
"Worry is believing God won't get it right."
- Todd Wagner | Toby Mac #SpeakLife
Today's Illustration
Reasons Why My Children Do Not Need More Toys
By Tammy Rosenfeldt
~ They started off as babies who found my Tupperware drawer much more fascinating than their toy box.
~ The days I change the paper towel roll in the kitchen bring great excitement as they claim their new sword or telescope.
~ Their current toys are only exciting when I either reorganize them/put them neatly away or when I start my garage sale pile.
~ Who needs toys when jumping on my bed like the five little monkeys brings tears of laughter?
~ They are content to look at the clouds and find shapes - most recently Caleb claimed he saw Thomas the Engine. Really - just shouted it out while in the car.
~ To make one of them want to play with a toy, all I have to do is give it to the other one. Suddenly, that item becomes the best thing in the whole entire world.
~ The days I mop the kitchen floor and move the chairs into the living room are cause for adventure as they build tents and "dark, dark rooms."
~ A flashlight brings amusement to all for hours.
~ And my personal favorite - the other day they literally fought over who got to play with the fly swatter. I really wish I was kidding.
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Tammy's blog, Tales from a Stay-at-Home Mom:
http://www.tjrosenfeldt.blogspot.com
Copyright 2010 Tammy Rosenfeldt. Permission is granted to send this to others, with attribution, but not for commercial purposes.
Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.
The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.org - a member of the Cybersalt family of sites.