Please, under no circumstances think that I do not realize the following Valentine puns are anything other than painful and torturous. But for those who like that flavor of the genre, here you go, lol!

What do farmers give their wives on Valentine's Day?
A hog and kisses!

Why did the pig give his girlfriend a box of candy?
It was Valenswine's Day!

Do skunks celebrate Valentine's Day?
Sure, they're very scent-imental!

What did the French chef give his wife for Valentine's Day?
A hug and a quiche!

Liz: "I can't be your valentine for medical reasons."
Jon: "Really?"
Liz: "Yeah, you make me sick!"

What does a man who loves his car do on February 14?
He gives it a valenshine!

What did Frankenstein say to his girlfriend?
"Be my Valenstein!"

What did the chocolate syrup say to the ice cream?
"I'm sweet on you!"

Why didn't Cupid shoot his arrow at the lawyer's heart?
Because even Cupid can't hit a target that small.

What did the painter say to her boyfriend?
"I love you with all my art!"

What do squirrels give for Valentine's Day?
Forget-me-nuts.

Why is lettuce the most loving vegetable?
Because it's all heart.

Why did the cannibal break up with his girlfriend?
She didn't suit his taste!

What did the stamp say to the envelope on Valentine's Day?
"I'm stuck on you!"

What did the paper clip say to the magnet?
I find you very attractive.

How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?
He gave her a ring.

Why did the banana go out with the prune?
Because it couldn't get a date.

What is a ram's favorite song on February 14th?
I only have eyes for ewe, dear.

What did the boy bird say to the girl bird on Valentine's Day?
Let me call you Tweet heart!

What happens when you fall in love with a French chef?
You get buttered up.

What kind of flowers do you never give on Valentine's Day?
Cauliflowers!

What did the boy cat say to the girl cat on Valentine's Day?
You're purrr-fect for me!