10. His face permanently blackened like a cartoon bomb went off

9. Pushes his personal brand of 'pull start' furnaces

8. Dave Lennox beat him up once

7. Uses magnifying glass and really bright flashlight to try and re-light furnace

6. Assures you his new efficient furnace only emits "CO2 Lite"

5. The instruction manual he leaves behind just says, "Light fuse, get away"

4. Tools consist of duct tape, tin foil, and a rabbit's foot

3. Estimates your bill by shaking a bag of chicken bones

2. You notice his furnace filters all say "Mr. Coffee" on them

1. When firemen arrive, they all say his name in unison

Copyright 2006 Dave Tippett ([email protected]). Permission is granted to send this to others, with attribution, but not for commercial purposes.