(My car is in here, so don't be offended if yours is too!)

AUDI - Always Unsafe Designs Implemented

BMW - Big Money Works
   - Bought My Wife
   - Brutal Money Waster
   - Break My Window

BUICK - Big Ugly Indestructible Car Killer

CHEVROLET - Can Hear Every Valve Rap On Long Extended Trips
   - Cheap, Hardly Efficient, Virtually Runs On Luck Every Time
   - Cheap Heap, Every Valve Rattles, Oil Leaks Every Time
   - Condition Hopeless, Entire Vehicle Relies On Leftover Engine Technology

DODGE - Drips Oil, Drops Grease Everywhere
   - Dem Old Dudes Go Everywhere
   - Dead or Dying Gas Eater
   - Dear Old Dad's Geriatric Express

FIAT - Failure in Italian Automotive Technology
   - Fix It All the Time
   - Fix it again, Tony!

FORD - First On Recall Day
   - First On Race Day
   - First On Rust and Deterioration
   - Fix Or Repair Daily
   - Found On Road, Dead
   - Fault of R&D
   - Fast Only Rolling Downhill
   - Found On Russian Dump

GM - General Maintenance
   - Great Mistake

GMC - Garage Man's Companion
   - Got a Mechanic Coming?

HONDA - Had One, Never Did Again

HYUNDAI - Hope You Understand Nothing's Drivable and Inexpensive...

MAZDA - Most Always Zipping Dangerously Along

OLDSMOBILE - Old Ladies Driving Slowly Make Others Behind Infuriatingly Late Everywhere
   - Overpriced, Leisurely Driven Sedan Made Of Buick's Irregular Leftover Equipment

PINTO - Put in New Transmission Often

PONTIAC - Poor Old Neanderthal Thinks it's a Cadillac

SAAB - Send Another Automobile Back
   - Swedish Automobiles Always Breakdown.

TOYOTA - Too Often Yankees Overprice This Auto

VOLVO - Very Odd Looking Vehicular Object
   - Vehicles Of Low Velocity Owners

VW - Virtually Worthless