September 2005 - Monthly Archive

30 Sep

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

4230

How to Bathe a Cat

1. Thoroughly clean the toilet. 2. Add the required amount of shampoo to the toilet water, and have both lids lifted. 3. Obtain the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards t read more..

My Final Last Words, Finally, Well Almost

30 Sep

God's Penman

Rev. James L. Snyder

3714

My Final Last Words, Finally, Well Almost

If I heard it once I've heard it a million times and this week was no exception. In fact, the words have carelessly tumbled from my lips on many occasions, some of which have been perilously near the ... read more..

30 Sep

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

2801

Rice Preference

The young woman really thought she'd been very patient, through a protracted period of dating with no talk of marriage.One night her steady boyfriend took her to a Chinese restaurant. As he perused th... read more..

29 Sep

Wonders of Creation

2975

Wonders of Creation - Extinction

What do pteranodon and passenger pigeons have in common? First, the pteranodon was a flying reptile, which was created on day five, about 6000 years ago (Genesis 1:20-23) along with birds.... read more..

29 Sep

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

3939

Letter From Tooth Fairy

Dear _________________ : Thank you for leaving one [1] tooth under your pillow last night. While we make every attempt to leave a monetary reward in the case of lost or stolen children's teeth, we wer... read more..

29 Sep

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

2943

Diary Secrets

A little boy asked his mother, "What's that you're reading?"A diary.What's in it?I can't tell you that. A diary is a highly personal and confidential affair; It has important secret dreams and secret ... read more..

28 Sep

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

3944

Get Your Own

One day a group of scientists got together and decided that man had come a long way and no longer needed God. So they picked one scientist to go and tell Him that they were done with Him. The s... read more..

27 Sep

Rev. Spence Laycock

3503

Preparing To Receive

How do you prepare yourself to receive what God has promised? For some it's all about assuring God that we are ready for all the blessings He wants to pour out in our direction. It's like a child that... read more..

27 Sep

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

4103

Art That Sells

An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any recent interest in his paintings which happened to be on display. "I have good news and bad news," the gallery owner replied. " The good ... read more..

27 Sep

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

2939

Dogs

** If you think dogs can't count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket then giving Fido only two of them.** In order to keep a true perspective of one's importance, everyone should have a dog read more..

26 Sep

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

3779

Academic Phrases and Meanings

The following list of phrases and their definitions might help you understand the mysterious language of science and medicine. These special phrases are also applicable to anyone working on a Ph... read more..

26 Sep

Dr. Harold McNabb

3311

Where is God?

And he called the place Massah and Meribah because the Israelites quarreled and because they tested the LORD saying, ?Is the LORD among us or not?? Exodus 17:7 This past week in our prayer group,Geor... read more..

26 Sep

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

2870

Cat Petting

We moved into an apartment while we were looking for a place that would let us keep our pets. We could not have our pets at our apartment, so my brother-in-law kept our cat for us until we could find ... read more..

25 Sep

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

4776

Cowboy Joe goes to Church

Cowboy Joe was telling his fellow cowboys back on the ranch about his first visit to a big-city church. "When I got there, they had me park my old truck in the corral," Joe began. "You mean the... read more..

25 Sep

Wonders of Creation

3248

Wonders of Creation - The Eye Lens

The lenses in your eyes are the only transparent tissues in your body. If they were not transparent you could not see these words. How do these two lenses form? They are produced by ... read more..

25 Sep

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

4216

Road To Easy Street

A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money. The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said, "Well, son, it was 1932, the depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel. ... read more..

24 Sep

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

4606

Environmental Problem

This was an actual letter from and reply to the Michigan Department of Environmental Quality: From: State of Michigan Grand Rapids District Office State Office Building 6th Floor 350 Ottawa NW Grand R... read more..

24 Sep

God's Penman

Rev. James L. Snyder

4521

My Grandmother's Old King James Bible

It has been a quiet week in the parsonage, notwithstanding the dismal, unflorida weather we have been having. Actually, the weather, or lack of good weather, gave me a chance to go through some boxes ... read more..

24 Sep

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

2829

Best Out Of Office Replies

Best Out Of Office Replies1. I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Be prepared for my mood.2. You are receiving this automatic notification becau... read more..

23 Sep

Guest Authors

Pastor Tim

5214

I'm Not Dead Yet

Why are human beings valuable? What is a human being? You have to answer those questions before you can say that this child isn't a human being without value. I had a fascinating discussion with some... read more..

23 Sep

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

4590

Afraid of The Dark

A little boy was afraid of the dark. One night his mother told him to go out to the back porch and bring her the broom. The little boy turned to his mother and said, "Mama, I don't want to go o... read more..

23 Sep

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

2646

Bike Training

Never having learned to ride a bicycle as a child, I finally decided to do it in my late twenties. My boyfriend, William, offered to teach me, and we headed to the park for my first lesson. He held on... read more..

22 Sep

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

4506

New Duct Tape

I was with my eldest son one day, driving around town in my old Toyota pickup, when Lawrence was around 5 years old. The Toyota ran like a top but the glove compartment latch had been broken for some... read more..

22 Sep

Guest Authors

Pastor Tim

4722

How Big Is Your Vision?

Have you ever tasted a nice, cool, refreshing Coke? Congratulations! So have hundreds of millions of other people all around the world. And it's all Robert Woodruff's fault. Well, not all his fault. B... read more..

22 Sep

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

2836

Stern Announcement

During a sermon one Sunday, the pastor heard two teenage girls in the back giggling and disturbing people.He interrupted his sermon and announced sternly, "There are two of you here who have not heard... read more..

21 Sep

Wonders of Creation

3868

Wonders of Creation - DNA

On April 14th, 2003 scientists announced to the world that they had finished sequencing the human genome. This meant they had managed to log the three billion pairs of DNA nucleotides (specially shape... read more..

21 Sep

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

3813

Pick a Hymn

One Sunday a pastor told his congregation that the church needed some extra money and asked the people to prayerfully consider giving a little extra in the offering plate. He said that whoever g... read more..

21 Sep

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

2601

Minister Call

A woman was trying hard to get the catsup to come out of the jar.During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her four-year old daughter to answer the phone. "It's the minister, Mommy," the child s... read more..

20 Sep

Clean Jokes

Pastor Tim

3879

Cast Your Bread

My mom, a difficult independent, likes sitting by the park feeding the pigeons. One day she brought with her a whole bun of fresh bread just to feed her daily company. Little by little, pinch b... read more..

20 Sep

Guest Authors

Pastor Tim

5182

Asking Our Children for Forgiveness

When I returned from a trip overseas, I sensed that something was wrong between Keith (one of our twin sons) and me. So I asked him, "Keith, have I done anything that really hurt your feelings?" Insta... read more..