~ It is well documented that for every mile that you jog, you add one minute to your life. This enables you at 85 years old to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing home at $5000 per month.

~ My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 now and we don't know where on earth she is!

~ The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.

~ I joined a health club last year, spent about 400 bucks. Haven't lost a pound. Apparently you have to show up.

~ I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing.

~ I don't exercise at all. If God meant for us to touch our toes, he would have put them further up on our body.

~ I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

~ I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.

~ The advantage of exercising every day is that you die healthier.

~ If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country.

~ I don't jog, it makes the ice jump right out of my glass.