Inspiration

The featured guest on our local radio talk show was a woman who owned a home-cleaning service.

After she described what her clients could expect, the program's telephone lines were opened to the audience.

The first caller struck to the heart of every woman who had ever contemplated employing such a service.

Her question: "How much cleaning do I have to do before your people come?"

1) If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried. 

2) If you can't get your work done in the first 24 hours, work nights. 

3) Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it. 

4) For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.

Judi strolled up to a guest at the party. She had heard him addressed as doctor and now she said coyly, "Doctor, may I ask a question?"

"Certainly," he said.

"Lately," said Judi, "I have been having a funny pain right here under the heart . . ."

The guest interrupted uncomfortably and said, "I'm terribly sorry, Judi, but I'm a doctor of philosophy."

"Oooh," she said, "I'm sorry!"

She turned away, but then overcome with curiosity, she turned back. "Just one more question, doctor. Tell me, what kind of disease is 'philosophy'?"

“If you want to know what God thinks of money, look at the people he gave it to.”

- Dorothy Parker