Inspiration

I was at the drug store to pick up my prescription. The line wasn't clearly formed, and there was an old man with a cane nearby me. It was unclear as to who was next.

When we got to the front of the line, the man gestured to me and said, "After you."

I smiled at him and said, "No, please, after you. I have all day."

Then he said, "No. You go ahead. My doctor says I have at least six months."

I was at a yard sale one day and saw a box marked "Electronic cat and dog caller-- guaranteed to work."

I looked inside and was amused to see an electric can opener.

Having survived my first driving lesson, I emerged from the car to come face to face with a woman standing on the pavement. "A bit nerve-wracking, was it?" she asked.

"More than that," I laughed, "My instructor has a foul body odor and has a bit of a wind problem. No way do I want a lesson from him again."

"I know the feeling," said the woman coolly. "I've been married to him for 20 years."

Explaining luggage regulations to passengers can be aggravating for flight attendants. One day a woman tried to board with an enormous bag. The lead flight attendant told her why it would not fit, but the woman argued that her bag was a carry-on because it had wheels and a handle.

Without blinking the attendant said, "My Ford has wheels and a handle, but that doesn't make it a carry-on."