Jack has died. His lawyer is standing before the family and reads out Jack's Last Will and Testament.
"To my dear wife Esther, I leave the house, 50 acres of land, and 1 million dollars."
"To my son Barry, I leave my Big Lexus and the Jaguar."
"To my daughter Suzy, I leave my yacht and $250,000."
"And to my brother-in-law Jeff, who always insisted that health is better than wealth, I leave my sun lamp."
It was a Saturday afternoon, and Ray had rushed down to the local supermarket to hurriedly pick up some hamburger rolls, chips and a few condiments. The big game was going to be on, so he was having a few friends over to watch it.
"When it comes time to die, make sure all you have to do is die."
"We all want progress, but if you're on the wrong road, progress means doing an about-turn and walking back to the right road; in that case, the man who turns back soonest is the most progressive."