Upon being denied, in the 1950's, membership in the exclusive Hollywood Country Club, because he was a Jew, Groucho Marx (whose father was a Jew, but whose mother was not) wrote a letter to the club's membership asking to be admitted.
"Being only half Jewish, I promise to get into the swimming pool only up to my waist."

We were standing in line outside a busy restaurant. The harried hostess was checking to find out how many people were in each group. "Party of two," the woman behind us said to her, "and could we please have Michelle?"
