Two children ordered their mother to stay in bed one Mother's Day morning. As she lay there looking forward to being brought breakfast in bed, the smell of bacon floated up from the kitchen.
Finally, the children called her to come downstairs. She found them both sitting at the table eating bacon and eggs.
"As a surprise for Mother's Day," one explained, "we decided to cook our own breakfast."


A speeding motorist was caught by radar from a police helicopter in the sky.
"Joey, what's the matter, you can't bring me home any flowers once in a while at least?" sniffed his wife. "Before we were married you were always bringing me little presents."