I've long maintained that the distinction between "professionals" and "amateurs" is often very slight, often amounting to little more than that the former are paid and the latter are not. This is in no small measure because professional arrogance has been known to become intolerable if left unchecked.
So it happened that a patient was making his first visit to the doctor.
"And whom," began the physician with utmost dignity, "did you consult about your illness before you came to me?"
"Only the pharmacist down at the corner," replied the patient.
Take some of the most common excuses for not going to church and use them to stop attending sporting events and here’s what you get:
When someone is broken, 
"Your brain is a supercomputer and your self-talk is the program it will run."
This is even funnier when you realize it's real!