While waiting at the veterinarian's office, I overheard two women chatting about their dogs.
"What's your dog's name?" asked the first woman.
"Well, we used to call her Pork Chop," answered the second lady. "But after the vet bills we've had, we now call her Filet Mignon."
My mind thinks I'm 25; my body thinks I'm an idiot!
An elderly man took his young grandson for a walk around the local cemetery. Pausing before one gravestone he said, "There lies a very honest man. He died owing me 50 dollars, but he struggled to the end to pay off his debts, and if anyone has gone to heaven, he has."
How to have a beach body:
"If someone makes you happy, make them happier."