When a mathematician tells you he makes a mean cup of coffee, he means average.
Change is inevitable except from vending machines.
A man goes to his doctor and says "I don't think my wife's hearing is as good as it used to be, what should I do?"
The doctor replies: "Try this test to find out for sure. When your wife is in the kitchen doing dishes, stand fifteen feet behind her and ask her a question, if she doesn't respond keep moving closer asking the question until she hears you."
The man goes home and sees his wife preparing dinner. He stands fifteen feet behind her and says "What's for dinner, Honey?" No response.
He moves to ten feet behind her and asks again. No response.
Five feet, no answer. Finally he stands directly behind her and says, "Honey, what's for supper?"
She turns and in exasperation says, "For the fourth time, I SAID CHICKEN!"
Some people think it would be cool to have a time machine and then there are those people who need a time machine to bee cool. The latter is the case with the person in today's Funny Picture on the Cybersalt Site. You'll find "Time Machine Cool" at:
www.cybersalt.org/funny-pictures/time-machine-cool
Enjoy the rest of today's mailing! ~ Pastor Tim
Mrs. Applebee, the 6th grade teacher, posed the following problem to one of her arithmetic classes:
"A wealthy man dies and leaves ten million dollars. One-fifth is to go to his wife, one-fifth is to go to his son, one-sixth to his butler, and the rest to charity. Now, what does each get?"
After a very long silence in the classroom, little Morris raised his hand.
The teacher called on Morris for his answer.
With complete sincerity in his voice, little Morris answered, "A lawyer!"
What WAS the best thing 'before' sliced bread?
Glue stick: is that redundant or an epoxymoron?
"Life consists not in holding good cards but in playing those you hold well."
– Josh Billings
A minister parked his car in a no-parking zone in a large city because he was short of time and couldn't find a space with a meter.
Then he put a note under the windshield wiper that read: "I have circled the block 10 times. If I don't park here, I'll miss my appointment. Forgive us our trespasses."
When he returned, he found a citation from a police officer along with this note: "I've circled this block for 10 years. If I don't give you a ticket I'll lose my job. 'Lead us not into temptation.'"
Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.
The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.org - a member of the Cybersalt family of sites.
Sunday greetings everyone!
Today's Cybersalt News features a humble request from long-time Cybersaltine, Walter Smith. Walter writes:
"This my pal Jacob Meek. He loves getting postcards, I have been sending cards for about four years, and he keeps them in an album. Jacob is thirty-one and has had some struggles. He had two strokes last year and is now pretty much wheel chair bound. His parents Blake and Lynn keep him very busy going to car shows etc. They are awesome parents, not everyone can do this.
I was hoping that you could get some postcards and flood him a little love with a post card or two. I am so blessed by the Lord to have healthy children, grandchildren and great grandchildren. You can mention that we are friends, and I know he’d love hearing from you. Thank you for your help, anyone else that would want to get involved will be welcome.
Jacob Meek, 3205 E. 31st St., Odessa, Tx 79752
Enjoy the rest of today's mailing! ~ Pastor Tim
What if Biblical characters could be recruited as high-tech promoters?
Consider the following tech advocates and their ad slogans:
Noah for Match.com: We can find a mate for anything. Why not you?
Moses for the Excedrin Headache Resource Center (Excedrin.com):
Take two tablets and call me in the morning.
The dove for UPS.com: Guaranteed delivery in 40 days and 40 nights.
Adam and Eve for Dell: No Apples for us. We've learned the hard way.
Solomon for Microsoft: Don't cut the baby in half.
Joseph for Nikon Coolpix: Only Nikon can capture the 36-bit color of my megapixel dream coat.
[gbwl]Methuselah for AARP.org: Life begins at 960.
Pharaoh for Symantec: If only we'd had Norton AntiPlague 2002 in 2002 ... B.C.E.
Job for NASDAQ: 'Nuff said.
The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.org - a member of the Cybersalt family of sites.
Each day, enjoy a CleanLaugh here. Want the latest clean jokes e-mailed directly to you? Subscribe to the Cybersalt Digest at www.cybersaltlists.org.
We think Cybersalt's collection of Christmas jokes is the best collection on the net. Right now it features over 70 jokes.
If you've got a Christmas joke we don't yet have, please send it to us so we can add to the collection!
It's your turn to be funny. Submit your funny caption today.
Cybersalt's funny pictures collection has been years in the making and continues to grow. We are also in the process of moving images over from our old site so check back often. Don't forget to check out our funny cat pictures, funny dog pictures, funny elephant pictures, and take your turn to be funny.
Here's where we keep our funny car pictures.
Over the years, some of the most popular pages on the Cybersalt site have featured Funny Cat Pictures. We have to admit that even though cats often look at humans like they owe the feline world something (remember dogs have owners and cats have staff), cats aren't as bad as a lot of the press that they get.
And so, whether you are a cat lover or tolerator, we hope you enjoy these funny cat pictures. And, of course, if you have any funny cat pictures you want to share with the world, feel free to send them to us to post here.
Some say the world can be divided into two types - cat people and dog people. For the cat people of the planet, Cybersalt has the Funny Cat Archive. For the dog people we have this Funny Dog Pictures archive.
It's dedicated to the memory of Maggie - Pastor Tim and family's dog. The SPCA rescued Maggie from Manitoba's Red River flood in 1996 and brought her to British Columbia where she had two short term owners before becoming a part of the Davis household where she preferred adults over kids, picked and ate fruit from trees in the backyard, and very rarely went into water at the beach.
Here's our funny horse pictures collection.
We think Cybersalt's Funny Christmas Pictures Collection is the best on the net.
We hope you'll enjoy each one and share them with your online family and friends.
Merry Christmas!
When Pastor Tim finds (or puts) fun things on the net, he posts them here. If you would like to be updated when new things are added, just subscribe to the Cybersalt Digest Newsletter. Enjoy!
Our collection of puns.
Our collection of funny signs.
A great collection of clean, funny one-liners!
Chickens have grown to have a special place in Cybersalt's heart!
