Shakey went to a psychiatrist.
"Doc," he said, "I`ve got trouble. Every time I get into bed, I think there`s somebody under it. I get under the bed, I think there`s somebody on top of it. Top, under, top, under. . . you gotta help me, I`m going crazy!"
"Just put yourself in my hands for two years," said the shrink. "Come to me three times a week, and I`ll cure your fears."
"How much do you charge?"
A guy was telling his friend that he and his wife had had a serious argument the night before.
"But it ended," he said, "when she came crawling to me on her hands and knees."
"What did she say?" asked the friend.
The husband replied, "She said, 'Come out from under that bed, you coward!'"
Sunday greetings everyone!
Grandma Cybersalt and I celebrated our 39th anniversary yesterday. Surely her medal will arrive in the mail any day now!
Today's video share is an encouragement to us all: If you want to sing, sing as if everybody is listening!
Click Here to Watch
Enjoy the rest of today's Digest.
~ Pastor Tim
The following are actual stories provided by travel agents:
1. I had someone ask for an aisle seat on the airplane so that their hair wouldn't get messed up by being near the window.
2. A client called in inquiring about a package to Hawaii. After going over all the cost information, she asked, "Would it be cheaper to fly to California & then take the train to Hawaii ?"
3. I got a call from a woman who wanted to go to Capetown. I started to explain the length of the flight and the passport information when she interrupted me with "I'm not trying to make you look stupid, but Cape Town is in Massachusetts."
Without trying to make her look like the stupid one, I calmly explained, "Cape Cod is in Massachusetts, Capetown is in South Africa."
Her response was "click".
4. A man called, furious about a Florida package we did. I asked what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando. He said he was expecting an ocean-view room. I tried to explain that is not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state.
He replied, "Don't lie to me. I looked on the map and Florida is a very thin state."
5. I got a call from a man who asked, "Is it possible to see England from Canada?"
I said, "No."
He said, "But they look so close on the Map."
6. Another man called and asked if he could rent a car in Dallas. When I pulled up the reservation, I noticed he had a 1-hour lay over in Dallas. When I asked him why he wanted to rent a car, he said, "I heard Dallas was a big airport, and I need a car to drive between the gates to save time."
7. A nice lady just called. She needed to know how it was possible that her flight from Detroit left at 8:20am and got into Chicago at 8:33am. I tried to explain that Michigan was an hour ahead of Illinois, but she could not understand the concept of time zones. Finally I told her the plane went very fast, and she bought that!
8. A woman called and asked, "Do airlines put your physical description on your bag so they know whose luggage belongs to who?"
I said, "No, why do you ask?"
She replied, "Well, when I checked in with the airline, they put a tag on my luggage that said FAT, and I'm overweight, is there any connection?"
After putting her on hold for a minute while "I looked into it," (I was actually laughing) I came back and explained that the city code for Fresno is FAT, and that the airline was just putting a destination tag on her luggage.
9. I just got off the phone with a man who asked, "How do I know which plane to get on?"
I asked him what exactly he meant, to which he replied, "I was told my flight number is 823, but none of these stupid planes have numbers on them."
10. A woman called and said, "I need to fly to Pepsi-cola on one of those computer planes." I asked if she meant to fly to Pensacola on a commuter plane. She said, "Yeah, whatever."
11. A businessman called and had a question about the documents he needed in order to fly to China. After a lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded him he needed a visa.
"Oh no I don't, I've been to China many times and never had to have one of those."
I double-checked and sure enough, his stay needs a visa. When I told him this he said, "Look, I've been to China four times and every time they have accepted my American Express."
12. A woman called to make reservations. "I want to go from Chicago to Hippopotamus, New York."
The agent was at a loss for words. Finally, the agent asked, "Are you sure that's the name of the town?"
"Yes, what flights do you have?" replied the customer.
After some searching, the agent came back with, "I'm sorry, ma'am, I've looked up every airport code in the country and can't find a Hippopotamus anywhere."
The customer retorted, "Oh don't be silly. Everyone knows where it is. Check your map!"
The agent scoured a map of the state of New York and finally offered, "You don't mean Buffalo, do you?"
"That's it! I knew it was a big animal!"
Old age is a thing ... Last night I was in bed for 20 minutes when I heard the pizza guy cough downstairs; then I remembered I came to my room to get my wallet.
How does Bigfoot tell time?
He looks at his Saskwatch!
"The greatest enemy of learning is knowing."
- John C. Maxwell
At a White House dinner, a churchman offered a benediction and closed with the pious affirmation: "The Lord is on our side."
When President Lincoln did not respond to this sentiment, someone asked him, "Don't you believe, Mr. President, that the Lord is always on the side of the right?"
"I am not concerned about that," was Lincoln's answer, "for we know that the Lord is always on the side of the right. My concern is that I and this nation should be on the Lord's side."
Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.
Rev. James Snyder, God's Penman, writes . . . .
Today was special. The Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage, her daughter and granddaughter went to St. Augustine for spring break. They would be gone for about three days.
In the meantime, I was here but not alone; I did have my cup of coffee. What more could anyone ask for?
Read moreThe Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.
Old age is a thing ... Last night I was in bed for 20 minutes when I heard the pizza guy cough downstairs; then I remembered I came to my room to get my wallet.
How does Bigfoot tell time?
He looks at his Saskwatch!
Each day, enjoy a CleanLaugh here. Want the latest clean jokes e-mailed directly to you? Subscribe to the Cybersalt Digest at www.cybersaltlists.org.
We think Cybersalt's collection of Christmas jokes is the best collection on the net. Right now it features over 70 jokes.
If you've got a Christmas joke we don't yet have, please send it to us so we can add to the collection!
It's your turn to be funny. Submit your funny caption today.
Cybersalt's funny pictures collection has been years in the making and continues to grow. We are also in the process of moving images over from our old site so check back often. Don't forget to check out our funny cat pictures, funny dog pictures, funny elephant pictures, and take your turn to be funny.
Here's where we keep our funny car pictures.
Over the years, some of the most popular pages on the Cybersalt site have featured Funny Cat Pictures. We have to admit that even though cats often look at humans like they owe the feline world something (remember dogs have owners and cats have staff), cats aren't as bad as a lot of the press that they get.
And so, whether you are a cat lover or tolerator, we hope you enjoy these funny cat pictures. And, of course, if you have any funny cat pictures you want to share with the world, feel free to send them to us to post here.
Some say the world can be divided into two types - cat people and dog people. For the cat people of the planet, Cybersalt has the Funny Cat Archive. For the dog people we have this Funny Dog Pictures archive.
It's dedicated to the memory of Maggie - Pastor Tim and family's dog. The SPCA rescued Maggie from Manitoba's Red River flood in 1996 and brought her to British Columbia where she had two short term owners before becoming a part of the Davis household where she preferred adults over kids, picked and ate fruit from trees in the backyard, and very rarely went into water at the beach.
Here's our funny horse pictures collection.
We think Cybersalt's Funny Christmas Pictures Collection is the best on the net.
We hope you'll enjoy each one and share them with your online family and friends.
Merry Christmas!
When Pastor Tim finds (or puts) fun things on the net, he posts them here. If you would like to be updated when new things are added, just subscribe to the Cybersalt Digest Newsletter. Enjoy!
Our collection of puns.
Our collection of funny signs.
A great collection of clean, funny one-liners!
Chickens have grown to have a special place in Cybersalt's heart!
