Old age is a thing ... Last night I was in bed for 20 minutes when I heard the pizza guy cough downstairs; then I remembered I came to my room to get my wallet.
How does Bigfoot tell time?
He looks at his Saskwatch!
The following are actual stories provided by travel agents:
1. I had someone ask for an aisle seat on the airplane so that their hair wouldn't get messed up by being near the window.
2. A client called in inquiring about a package to Hawaii. After going over all the cost information, she asked, "Would it be cheaper to fly to California & then take the train to Hawaii ?"
3. I got a call from a woman who wanted to go to Capetown. I started to explain the length of the flight and the passport information when she interrupted me with "I'm not trying to make you look stupid, but Cape Town is in Massachusetts."
Oh look, Chicken Thursday!
Our 12 year-old grandson's 2 week visit with us has come to an end - he might actually still be flying home on his red-eye flight while some of you are reading this. We had a very nice visit with him, A highlight of the last day was when Grandma Cybersalt's bike experienced a mechanical malfunction, resulting in her ending up on the ground at the local bike track. That may not sound like a "highlight" but other than a few scrapes and bruises (and needing a new helmet because it hit the ground pretty good instead of her head) she is OK. We are thankful the malfunction did not happen she was riding on the road there!
Today's video share is about a man who works for a railroad, bought a house, and found a railroad in his basement!
Click Here to Watch.
Enjoy the rest of today's digest!
~ Pastor Tim
"A slipping gear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire when you least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what's left of your unit."
- Army's magazine of Preventive Maintenance.
"Aim towards the Enemy."
- Instruction printed on US Rocket Launcher
"When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend."
- U.S. Marine Corps
"Cluster bombing from B-52s is very, very accurate. The bombs are guaranteed to always hit the ground."
- U.S.A.F. Ammo Troop
"If the enemy is in range, so are you."
- Infantry Journal
"It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed."
- U.S. Air Force Manual
"Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword obviously never encountered automatic weapons."
- Gen. MacArthur
"Try to look unimportant; they may be low on ammo."
- Infantry Journal
"You, you, and you . . . Panic. The rest of you, come with me."
- U.S. Marine Corp Gunnery Sgt.
"Tracers work both ways."
- U.S. Army Ordnance
"Five second fuses only last three seconds."
- Infantry Journal
"Don't ever be the first, don't ever be the last, and don't ever volunteer to do anything."
- U. S. Navy Swabbie
"Bravery is being the only one who knows you're afraid."
- David Hackworth
"If your attack is going too well, you're walking into an ambush."
- Infantry Journal
"No combat ready unit has ever passed inspection."
- Joe Gay
"Any ship can be a minesweeper... once."
- Anon
"Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do."
- Unknown Marine Recruit
"Don't draw fire; it irritates the people around you."
- Your Buddies
"If you see a bomb technician running, follow him."
- U.S.A.F. Ammo Troop
Parenthood turns you into a morning person the same way being chased by a bear makes you a runner.
"I fired the janitor for smoking pot."
"Why would you do that?"
"I don't like high maintenance people."
"Lord, when we are wrong, make us willing to change, and when we are right, make us easy to live with!"
- Dallas Willard - Hearing God
The young woman sat in her stalled car, waiting for help. Finally two men walked up to her.
“I’m out of gas,” she purred. “Could you push me to the gas station?”
The men readily put their muscles to the car and rolled it several blocks.
After a while, one looked up, exhausted, to see that they had just passed a filling station.
“How come you didn’t turn in?” he yelled.
“Oh, I never go there,” the girl shouted back. “They don’t have full service.”
Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.
Susan Page writes . . . .
- photo by Susan PageSummer is the perfect season to think about the topic of time. Summertime is when we often “slow down to smell the roses.” It makes me think of the lyrics from the old hymn Take Time to Be Holy, particularly the second verse:
Take time to be holy; the world rushes on;
Spend much time in secret with Jesus alone.
By looking to Jesus, like Him thou shalt be
thy friends in thy conduct His likeness shall see.
Author: William D. Longstaff (ca. 1882)
Many of us can relate to the words “the world rushes on.”
Read moreThe Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.
The National Institute on Aging ...
"Celebrating our 39th Year!"
The Department of the Interior ...
"Oddly, All Our Stuff is Outdoors!"
The Internal Revenue Service ...
"What's in YOUR wallet?!"
The Central Intelligence Agency ...
"The White Swans Fly North for the Potatoes"
The U.S. Postal Service ...
"When it Absolutely, Positively, Has to Be There in a Week or So"
Each day, enjoy a CleanLaugh here. Want the latest clean jokes e-mailed directly to you? Subscribe to the Cybersalt Digest at www.cybersaltlists.org.
We think Cybersalt's collection of Christmas jokes is the best collection on the net. Right now it features over 70 jokes.
If you've got a Christmas joke we don't yet have, please send it to us so we can add to the collection!
It's your turn to be funny. Submit your funny caption today.
Cybersalt's funny pictures collection has been years in the making and continues to grow. We are also in the process of moving images over from our old site so check back often. Don't forget to check out our funny cat pictures, funny dog pictures, funny elephant pictures, and take your turn to be funny.
Here's where we keep our funny car pictures.
Over the years, some of the most popular pages on the Cybersalt site have featured Funny Cat Pictures. We have to admit that even though cats often look at humans like they owe the feline world something (remember dogs have owners and cats have staff), cats aren't as bad as a lot of the press that they get.
And so, whether you are a cat lover or tolerator, we hope you enjoy these funny cat pictures. And, of course, if you have any funny cat pictures you want to share with the world, feel free to send them to us to post here.
Some say the world can be divided into two types - cat people and dog people. For the cat people of the planet, Cybersalt has the Funny Cat Archive. For the dog people we have this Funny Dog Pictures archive.
It's dedicated to the memory of Maggie - Pastor Tim and family's dog. The SPCA rescued Maggie from Manitoba's Red River flood in 1996 and brought her to British Columbia where she had two short term owners before becoming a part of the Davis household where she preferred adults over kids, picked and ate fruit from trees in the backyard, and very rarely went into water at the beach.
Here's our funny horse pictures collection.
We think Cybersalt's Funny Christmas Pictures Collection is the best on the net.
We hope you'll enjoy each one and share them with your online family and friends.
Merry Christmas!
When Pastor Tim finds (or puts) fun things on the net, he posts them here. If you would like to be updated when new things are added, just subscribe to the Cybersalt Digest Newsletter. Enjoy!
Our collection of puns.
Our collection of funny signs.
A great collection of clean, funny one-liners!
Chickens have grown to have a special place in Cybersalt's heart!
