A man entered a stationery store and asked the clerk for a birthday/anniversary card.
The clerk replied, "We have birthday cards and we have anniversary cards. Why not take one of each?"
The man said, "You don't understand. I need a card that covers both events! You see, we're celebrating the fifth anniversary of my wife's thirty-fourth birthday..."
Walkie-talkies neither walk nor talk; they should be called holdie-noisies.
Issue #4375
Sunday greetings everyone!
Thanks to all the new "billionaires" who donated to the "Be a Billionaire" fund raiser. You learn more and still donate to help persecuted Christians and receive worthless, now novelty Zimbabwean billion dollar bills in return at:
www.cybersalt.org/inspiration/be-a-billionaire-fund-raiser
Rev. James Snyder likes rain enough, but only when there is enough rain. You can read "Now I Know How Noah Must Have Felt":
www.cybersalt.org/gods-penman/now-i-know-how-noah-must-have-felt
Enjoy the rest of today's mailing!
~ Pastor Tim
My wife had never been to a baseball game, so I took her to see the Los Angeles Dodgers one night.
Our seats were right behind the third-base line. At the top of the first inning, the batter hit a foul ball.
Miraculously, I managed to catch it on the fly.
As I sat down, breathless with excitement, my wife turned to me and said, "That was nice. How many of those do you get a game?"
Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how popular it remains?
On my tombstone, please write:
"Not appreciating my puns was a grave mistake."
"Religion says: God will love us if we change.
The Gospel says: God's love changes us."
- Unknown
Today's Illustration
My son came home from school one day,
with a smirk upon his face.
He'd decided he was smart enough,
to put me in my place.
"Guess what I learned in Civics Two,
that's taught by Mr. Wright?
It's all about the laws today,
The 'Children's Bill of Rights.'
"It says I need not clean my room,
don't have to cut my hair.
No one can tell me what to think,
or speak, or what to wear.
"I have freedom from religion,
and regardless what you say,
I don't have to bow my head,
and I sure don't have to pray.
"I can wear earrings if I want,
and pierce my tongue & nose.
I can read & watch just what I like,
and get tattoos from head to toes.
"And if you ever spank me,
I'll charge you with the crime.
I'll back up all my charges,
with the marks on my behind.
"Don't you ever touch me,
my body's only for my use,
not for your hugs and kisses,
that's just more child abuse.
"Don't preach about your morals,
like your mama did to you.
That's nothing more than mind control,
And it's illegal too!
"Mom, I have these children's rights,
so you can't influence me,
or I'll call Children's Services Division,
better known as C.S.D."
Of course my first instinct was
to toss him out the door.
But the chance to teach a lesson
made me think a little more.
I mulled it over carefully,
I couldn't let this go.
A smile crept upon my face,
he's messing with a pro.
The next day I took him shopping
to the local Good Will store.
I told him, "Pick out all you want,
there's shirts & pants galore.
I've called and checked with C.S.D.,
who said they didn't care
if I bought you K-Mart shoes
instead of those Nike Airs.
And I've canceled that appointment
to take your driver's test.
The C.S.D. is unconcerned
so I'll decide what's best."
I said "No time to stop and eat,
or pick up stuff to munch.
And tomorrow you can start to learn
to make your own sack lunch.
"Just save that raging appetite,
and wait 'til dinner time.
We're having liver and onions,
a favorite dish of mine."
He asked, "Can I please rent a movie,
To watch on my VCR?"
"Sorry, but I sold your TV,
for new tires on my car.
"I also rented out your room,
you'll take the couch instead.
The C.S.D. requires
just a roof above your head.
"Your clothing won't be trendy now,
and I'll choose what we eat.
That allowance that you used to get,
will buy me something neat.
"I'm selling off your jet ski,
dirt-bike & roller blades.
Check out the 'Parent's Bill of Rights',
It's in effect today!
"Hey hot shot, are you crying,
and why are you on your knees?
Are you asking God to help you out,
instead of C.S.D.?"
Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.
The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.
<!-- End of Newsletter -->
On my tombstone, please write:
"Not appreciating my puns was a grave mistake."
My wife had never been to a baseball game, so I took her to see the Los Angeles Dodgers one night.
Our seats were right behind the third-base line. At the top of the first inning, the batter hit a foul ball.
Miraculously, I managed to catch it on the fly.
As I sat down, breathless with excitement, my wife turned to me and said, "That was nice. How many of those do you get a game?"
Each day, enjoy a CleanLaugh here. Want the latest clean jokes e-mailed directly to you? Subscribe to the Cybersalt Digest at www.cybersaltlists.org.
We think Cybersalt's collection of Christmas jokes is the best collection on the net. Right now it features over 70 jokes.
If you've got a Christmas joke we don't yet have, please send it to us so we can add to the collection!
It's your turn to be funny. Submit your funny caption today.
Cybersalt's funny pictures collection has been years in the making and continues to grow. We are also in the process of moving images over from our old site so check back often. Don't forget to check out our funny cat pictures, funny dog pictures, funny elephant pictures, and take your turn to be funny.
Here's where we keep our funny car pictures.
Over the years, some of the most popular pages on the Cybersalt site have featured Funny Cat Pictures. We have to admit that even though cats often look at humans like they owe the feline world something (remember dogs have owners and cats have staff), cats aren't as bad as a lot of the press that they get.
And so, whether you are a cat lover or tolerator, we hope you enjoy these funny cat pictures. And, of course, if you have any funny cat pictures you want to share with the world, feel free to send them to us to post here.
Some say the world can be divided into two types - cat people and dog people. For the cat people of the planet, Cybersalt has the Funny Cat Archive. For the dog people we have this Funny Dog Pictures archive.
It's dedicated to the memory of Maggie - Pastor Tim and family's dog. The SPCA rescued Maggie from Manitoba's Red River flood in 1996 and brought her to British Columbia where she had two short term owners before becoming a part of the Davis household where she preferred adults over kids, picked and ate fruit from trees in the backyard, and very rarely went into water at the beach.
Here's our funny horse pictures collection.
We think Cybersalt's Funny Christmas Pictures Collection is the best on the net.
We hope you'll enjoy each one and share them with your online family and friends.
Merry Christmas!
When Pastor Tim finds (or puts) fun things on the net, he posts them here. If you would like to be updated when new things are added, just subscribe to the Cybersalt Digest Newsletter. Enjoy!
Our collection of puns.
Our collection of funny signs.
A great collection of clean, funny one-liners!
Chickens have grown to have a special place in Cybersalt's heart!
