Children: You spend the first two years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut up.
I have my own system for labeling homemade freezer meals.
Forget calling them "Veal Parmigiana" or "Turkey Loaf" or "Beef Pot Pie."
If you look in my freezer you'll see "Whatever," "Anything," "I Don't Know," and, my favorite, "Food."
That way when I ask my husband what he wants for dinner, I'm certain to have what he wants."
The plumber is at the door carrying your new kitchen faucet and basin.
Let that sink in!
Issue #4424
Oh look, Chicken Thursday!
We actually are getting some cold weather here at Cybersalt World Headquarters so we are trying to stay all snug and warm like today's chicken. I hope you are too!
Enjoy the rest of today's mailing!
~ Pastor Tim
A guy was on the side of the road hitchhiking on a very dark, stormy night. The night dragged on without a single car going by. The storm was so strong he could hardly see a few feet ahead of him.
Suddenly he saw a car coming slowly toward him then stop.
Without thinking about it, the guy got into the back seat, closed the door and then realized there was nobody behind the wheel!
The car started slowly; the guy looked at the road and saw a curve coming his way. Scared, he started to pray, begging for his life. He hadn't come out of shock when just before the curve, a hand appeared through the window and moved the wheel. The guy, paralyzed in terror, watched how the hand appeared every time right before a curve.
Gathering his strength, the guy finally jumped out of the car and ran to the nearest town. Wet and in shock, he went to a restaurant and started telling everybody about the horrible experience he went through.
A silence enveloped everybody when they realized the guy was serious.
About half an hour later, two guys walked in the same restaurant. They looked around for a table when one said to the other,
"Look, John! That's the guy who jumped in the back seat of the car when we were pushing it."
Descriptions:The pirate skeletons at Disneyland are very life-like.
I took my memories back to the dry cleaners to have them repressed. (One Hour Service)
"In the kingdom of God, as long as you're still fighting, you're winning. God doesn't hand out medals for performance. He hands out crowns for perseverance."
- Holley Gerth
Today's Illustration
I was having trouble with the idea of turning 30 and was oversensitive to any signs of advancing age. When I found a prominent gray hair right at the front, I pointed to my forehead.
"Have you seen this?" I indignantly asked my husband.
"What?" he asked. "The wrinkles?"
Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.
The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.
The pastor of a mid-sized church decided one Monday morning that the staff would verbalize their prayers at the weekly staff meeting. He led off with, "Lord, my daughter is about to go away to college, I only make $55,000 a year, and it's not enough."
He turned to the associate pastor, and he said, "Lord, I have two children in preschool, a new mortgage, I only make $39,000 a year, and it's not enough."
The minister of education continued with his chant, "Lord, you know I need a new car, my wife is not well, I only make $28,000 a year, and it's not enough."
The youth minister had his turn next: "Lord, I've just finished seminary, I have huge student loans, I only make $20,000 a year and it's not enough."
At last it was time for the minister of music. His prayer went like this:
"Lord, my son is graduating from Harvard, we bought a new boat, I make $100,000 a year and 'there's no business like show business!'"
Each day, enjoy a CleanLaugh here. Want the latest clean jokes e-mailed directly to you? Subscribe to the Cybersalt Digest at www.cybersaltlists.org.
We think Cybersalt's collection of Christmas jokes is the best collection on the net. Right now it features over 70 jokes.
If you've got a Christmas joke we don't yet have, please send it to us so we can add to the collection!
It's your turn to be funny. Submit your funny caption today.
Cybersalt's funny pictures collection has been years in the making and continues to grow. We are also in the process of moving images over from our old site so check back often. Don't forget to check out our funny cat pictures, funny dog pictures, funny elephant pictures, and take your turn to be funny.
Here's where we keep our funny car pictures.
Over the years, some of the most popular pages on the Cybersalt site have featured Funny Cat Pictures. We have to admit that even though cats often look at humans like they owe the feline world something (remember dogs have owners and cats have staff), cats aren't as bad as a lot of the press that they get.
And so, whether you are a cat lover or tolerator, we hope you enjoy these funny cat pictures. And, of course, if you have any funny cat pictures you want to share with the world, feel free to send them to us to post here.
Some say the world can be divided into two types - cat people and dog people. For the cat people of the planet, Cybersalt has the Funny Cat Archive. For the dog people we have this Funny Dog Pictures archive.
It's dedicated to the memory of Maggie - Pastor Tim and family's dog. The SPCA rescued Maggie from Manitoba's Red River flood in 1996 and brought her to British Columbia where she had two short term owners before becoming a part of the Davis household where she preferred adults over kids, picked and ate fruit from trees in the backyard, and very rarely went into water at the beach.
Here's our funny horse pictures collection.
We think Cybersalt's Funny Christmas Pictures Collection is the best on the net.
We hope you'll enjoy each one and share them with your online family and friends.
Merry Christmas!
When Pastor Tim finds (or puts) fun things on the net, he posts them here. If you would like to be updated when new things are added, just subscribe to the Cybersalt Digest Newsletter. Enjoy!
Our collection of puns.
Our collection of funny signs.
A great collection of clean, funny one-liners!
Chickens have grown to have a special place in Cybersalt's heart!
